Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Postcards from the Pug Bus Suing The Knish for Plagiarism
Oct 6, 2011, 13:29
The reclusive Phil Maggitti hides behind his bodyguard.
(Reuters) - Phil Maggitti, founder and editor in briefs of Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania's most influential satire site, has filed suit in a local kangaroo court alleging that another satire site, The Knish, "did willfully and with fucking malice and without my goddamn say-so" steal one of my articles and present it on The Knish as its own.
This action, said Mr. Maggitti, has resulted in symptoms that include, but are not limited to, indigestion, nausea, heartburn, insomnia, fatigue, drowsiness, increased sweating, dizziness, flushing, headache, stuffy nose, upset stomach, difficulty breathing, swelling of the tongue, irregular heartbeat, memory loss, ringing in the ears, periodic loss of vision in one or both eyes, and "a king-hell desire to curb stomp the mother-fucker who thought he could get away with this kind of low-life shit."
According to Mr. Maggitti's suit, the article in question—"Keister Family Tired of Being Butt of Jokes"—appeared on Faux News, Edition 40: 1/17/2005 - 1/30/2005. The plagiarized version appeared on The Knish, April 1, 2005 | Issue 20.
Mr. Maggitti notes that the author of The Knish piece, Martin Bodek ("if that's indeed his real name") changed "only a few, non-material minor details of my original article," beginning with the title, which Mr. Bodek changed from "Keister Family Tired of Being Butt of Jokes" to "Tuches Family Tired of Being Butt of Jokes."
"That's really clever, eh," said Mr. Maggitti. "Bet he thought that would really throw people off the scent. The first paragraph of The Knish piece continues in the same treacherous manner."
Faux News
LIVONIA, MI. - Ron and Linda Keister of Livonia have filed a civil suit against their next door neighbor Tim Dryzinski. The Keisters are seeking $175,000 in damages from Mr. Dryzinski, charging that he has ignored "repeated requests to stop making fun of us because of our last name."
The Knish
DETROIT, MICHIGAN - [TheKnish.com] Zevulun and Ruth Tuches of Detroit have filed a civil suit against their next door neighbor Mach A. Vitz. The Tucheses are seeking $175,000 in damages from Mr. Vitz, charging that he has ignored "repeated requests to stop making fun of us because of our last name," Said Mr. Tuches.
"Now I ask you, brother," said Mr. Maggitti, "does that look like the work of a two-bit thief in the night or what? Did Mr. Broder, if that indeed is his real name, think that by changing a few names—from the kind that most Americans could pronounce to foreign-sounding names—entitles him to profit from the fruits of my looms?"
Mr. Maggitti appears to have a point, which isn't always the case when he wears his tin foil hat. He next directed our attention to the second paragraphs of the two articles.
Boycott knishes.
Faux News
The Keisters allege that Mr. Dryzinski's constant ridicule—"he even named his new Doberman Fanny Keister"—has resulted in their "loss of stature in the community." The Keisters are especially concerned about the effects of Mr. Dryzinski's cheekiness on their children: Lauren and Ron Jr.
The Knish
The Tucheses allege that Mr. Vitz's constant ridicule - he even named his new Doberman Shaynah Tuches - has resulted in their loss of stature in the community. The Tucheses are especially concerned about the effects of Mr. Vitz's cheekiness on their children Rinda Chiga and Zevulun Jr.
As the remaining seven paragraphs of Mr. Maggitti's and Mr. Bodek's articles are equally similar, there is no need to present all of them here. We will, however, present the final paragraphs for your consideration.
Faux News
I wrote to their lawyer last week, suggesting that his clients pronounce their name so that it rhymes with 'blister,'" said Zimmerman. "They refused. They're more interested in salving their wounded pride with my client's money than they are in resolving this issue. That's what's at the bottom of this case."
The Knish
"I wrote to their lawyer last week, suggesting that his clients pronounce their name so that it rhymes with 'crutches,'" said Hillel. "They refused. They're more interested in salving their wounded pride with my client's money than they are in resolving this issue. That's what's at the bottom of this case."
Mr. Maggitti said he felt violated by The Knish's apparent thievery.
"It's just as if they had put up a lot of cheap dormitory-style housing on my front lawn and then snookered a bunch of people from Long Island to move in there. The Knish has until sundown Saturday to take that fucking bogus article down or else they'll be hearing from my attorneys. After that they might be hearing from my cousin Vinny, his friend Vito, and Jimmy 'Stugotts' Stuganeri. When I'm finished with those boys they'll be up to their keisters—or their tucheses—in alligators.
"And I don't want to hear any shit about god giving them the rights to my work, either."
Representatives for The Knish did not respond to repeated requests for comments about Mr. Maggitti's charges.
Click here to read the entire Faux News article. Click here to read the entire Knish article.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
