Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
Was Joe Paterno Fired Because of His Two-Quarterback Offense?
Nov 11, 2011, 10:04
STATE COLLEGE, Penna. - Ostensibly ex-Penn State football coach Joe Paterno was fired by the school's board of trustees because he had failed to step up and be counted when he was told nine years ago that his former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky had been observed buggering some helpless ten-year-old in the shower room in one of Penn State's football buildings.
Sources close to the shower room, however, have suggested a different reason for Mr. Paterno's dismissal.
"Joe gradually lost support among board members because of the two-quarterback system he had implemented," said one former graduate assistant who asked not to be identified "because Joe might no longer be the coach but he's still a mean, vindictive bastard."
According to the graduate assistant, "The board didn't give a fuck about the kids Jerry Sandusky was diddling. Hell, nobody else at Penn State did; why should the board? What they were concerned about was the impact of the two-quarterback system on Penn State's reputation."
The board was especially sensitive to criticism such as the following from a local sportswriter: "I've given up on trying to find any sanity in the Penn State quarterback situation. This week was it for me regarding Paterno's weekly who-is-the-starting-quarterback-this-game riddles."
Penn State players, too, were tired of Coach Paterno's inability to make a decision.
"With two quarterbacks sometimes the game gets slowed down, and that's not right," said wide receiver Devon Smith.
Coach Paterno's failure to choose a starting quarterback and to stick with him has been a growing scandal at Penn State. In 2009 that failure cost the school the services of Pat Devlin, who transferred to the University of Delaware after being forced to split playing time with Daryll Clark.
"Mr. Paterno behaved as if he were bigger than the quarterbacks," said one board member who asked not to be identified. "When [former Penn State president] Graham Spanier and I visited Coach Paterno to ask that he choose one starting quarterback, he showed us the door.
"He didn't seem at all concerned that by playing two quarterbacks he was creating a scenario that could potentially split the locker room. We couldn't let that situation continue any longer."
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Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
3. Seat Belts
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
10. Going to Bed Early.