Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
How NBA Players Economized During the Lockout
Dec 8, 2011, 13:13
MIAMI - NBA players will finally report to training camps tomorrow to prepare for the 2011-2012 season, which begins December 25 this year, nearly two months later than usual.
At the start of most NBA seasons, players report to camp eager to pimp the Hummers and Ferraris they bought during their summer vacations. This is not most seasons, however. Since Lebron James last disappeared in the NBA playoffs, team owners locked players out of team facilities while mugging them for their fifth-car money in contract negotiations. Consequently your average NBA millionaire has missed a few paychecks so far this season.
Indeed many players and their posses feared there wouldn't be any paychecks for a long time. That prospect wasn't troubling to established megastars like Kobe Bryant and Dwayne Wade, who spill more money than most people make, but eight spots or so down the average NBA bench the outlook isn't all tight pussy and loose shoes. Some of those sorry git have to make do on $2.3 million a year or so.
As a result, more than a few players are expected to show up for training camp in the same SUVs they were driving at the end of last season. One or two may have had their vehicles repainted since the spring, but they aren't fooling anybody. Most NBA players can spot a new paint job faster than they can spot a teammate going back door in a half court set.
As shocking as it might be to consider, some basketball players were forced to resort to other drastic economies besides new paint jobs on year-old vehicles. Minnesota Timberwolves forward Michael Beasley, in the last year of his rookie contract, replied via email that he had begun car pooling to strip clubs in order to save money during the lockout.
Mr. Beasley was not the only NBA player on a budget. The Dallas Mavericks Delonte West laughed about buying Dom Perignon in a box, which he orders by the case from Sam's Club. Mr. West also reported that he was able to save "a couple of Benjamin's a month" by purchasing his psychotropic medications from Mexican pharmacies over the Internet.
Just as no two NBA player's cornrows are alike, so their approach to economy takes many forms. The most frequently mentioned in a recent Pug Bus survey were:
*Skipping child support payments
*Having their heads shaved and waxed less frequently
*Cooking with edible underwear
*Not making it rain in clubs so much
*Farting through cotton
*Smoking middlings instead of buds
*Do-it-yourself tattoo kits
*If it's yellow, let it mellow . . ."
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Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
3. Seat Belts
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
10. Going to Bed Early.