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Kate Hudson Marriage Was Hanging by a Fringe
Aug 18, 2006, 08:40
Chris Robinson rocks the John Lennon circa 1969 look.
HOLLYWOOD - Speculation is swirling with the surprise separation of six year spouses Kate Hudson, star of the oh-so-aptly named How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days, Fools Gold, and Le Divorce, from rocker hubby, Chris Robinson. All of Tinseltown wants to know, what turned this bohemian rhapsody so blue?
Did having Hollywood royalty for in-laws prove all that glitters isn't so Goldie? With Hudson a tender twenty-seven and Chris touting forty, did that generation gap have her seeing crow's feet on her Black Crows hubby? Could Chris not keep his Benjamin private? And what about Kate—they haven't even begun to play the Owen Wilson card.
Friends insist, none of the above. Like so many red-carpet relationships, it was all about who's in the closet. Yup, it's yet another case of "irreconcilable wardrobes." Seems Kate finally felt Chris's look was less karma cool and more Hate Ashbury.
Was there a blond-on-blond hookup on the set of You, Me and Dupree?
One longtime confidant from Kate's camp told us, "She thought it was kinda cute in the beginning. You know, 'Oh look, he's wearing a kooky macramé vest with a bathrobe sash draped around his neck—so Lenny Kravitz meets Laurie Partridge, so Maude at Chateau Marmont.' But that faded quicker than those dirty droopy T-shirts. Soon, she felt like she was waking up next to a bearded Janis Joplin every morning."
Another friend got right to the bell bottom of the problem: "Floppy hats, crushed velvet, clogs . . . this marriage never had a chance."
But apparently Kate wasn't so quick to throw in the hemp towel, and over the years tried massive amounts of therapy—retail therapy. Working closely with celebrity stylist Phillip Bloch, they tried to work through the two toughest problems that face so many of today's marriages—accessorizing and hair care.
In-a-gag-me-davida, baby.
Bloch admits his efforts met with little success.
"The man likes his droopy, loopy, hippie swami pendants. What was I to do? You ever try to tell a rocker less is more? That'll have 'em singing 'Surly with a fringe on top' quicker than you can say Bob Mackie's your uncle.
"And that hair . . . ughhh . . . I said 'Oh, sweetie, that Howard Hughes thing didn't even look good on Jesus.'
Then all during the three-hour session I scheduled with Frederic Fekkai, he just never made himself folliclly available. To me, that really showed a lack of commitment to the marriage."
Kate looks better undressed than Chris does dressed.
Celebratty Chatter learned that the last ditch effort was a surprise intervention by the Queer Eye's fab five. There were some initial moments of promise after raiding Kate's closet and using her leopard print Roberto Cavallis and Valentino flouncy blouses to turn his dumpster bleak into Ibiza chic.
But things quickly went awry when Carson applauded Chris's choice of a Chloe caftan as "genius couture" and thought it would benefit even more with a Judith Leiber clutch. Kate met with her lawyers the next day.
As of now both sides seem to be working hard to make the split as amicable as possible, but rumor has it that in addition to alimony, Chris is also seeking a spiteful settlement of half of Kate's Fendi bags, which he plans to have patchworked into a poncho. If true, sources say this is sure to spill into the courts, where no doubt Kate will be saying, "You, me and due process."
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
