Home   Ass Hat Awards   Celebrities   Fashion   Lifestyle   Music   News   Politics   Religion   Sports   Technology   Our Staff   Contact
Your Almost Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
More Horoscopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
Cover of the book Postcards from the Pug Bus.The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
1 2
Free the Music
screw the riaaStrike a blow for freedom.
Download music today.
You can't beat the price.
Get the skinny at Zeropaid.



Humor Feed Banner
 
Lindsay Lohan Wants Harry Potter Role, Nude Photos Back
Jul 19, 2007, 08:02
an image
"My name is Lindsay Lohan and I'm a Harry Potter addict."
LOS ANGELES - Lindsay Lohan has moved on from The Prince to Harry Potter. Having discovered the joys of reading while she was getting a complete blood change in rehab, Ms. Lohan has been immersing herself in books on tape and AA meetings since her release.

Most recently, the star of Georgia Rules has been listening to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, the first book in the Harry Potter series; and she has tumbled to the conclusion that it would make a fine movie.

"I just luv this book," Ms. Lohan emailed her representative, Leslie Sloan Zelnick. "Hogwash sounds like such a cool place. I think it definately would make an awesum movie. If the characters were a little older, I could play the chick that hangs out with Harry and Don."

Ms. Lohan then added, "P.S. I know a lot about magic. I almost made my career disappear."

In other Lindsay Lohan News, the recently sober actress is determined that the world will never see the nude photos taken of her several months ago by her on-again-off-again lover Calum Best.

"All I know is that someone broke into my computer and left a file on my desktop saying they had the pictures Calum took of me naked on a Thigh Master Gold," wrote Ms. Lohan on her Internet message board. "My lawyer knows about it, and if I ever found out who broke into my computer, he is in big shit."

Finally, Ms. Lohan has offered a $250 reward for the return of her alcohol-monitoring bracelet, which she accidentally left in the ladies room at a Los Angeles nightclub two days ago.



Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.


top-of-page link  top of page  teensy, tiny image of stamped envelope  e-mail this article  teensy, tiny image of printer  printer friendly page


© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.

 

twitter icon for linking purposes
Follow the Pug Bus
or it will follow you home.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Joe Paterno image

Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.