Jenna Bush Gets Engaged with Alberto Gonzalez’ Help
Aug 17, 2007, 20:21
Is there a shotgun in her future?
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House announced Thursday that Jenna Bush is engaged to be married. Jenna, 25, will wed Henry Hager, who is currently in a Georgetown hospital recuperating from knee surgery.
According to an inside source at the White House, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez and former White House chief of staff Andrew Card snuck into Hager’s hospital room late Wednesday night and got the ailing and doped-up twenty-nine-year-old to propose to the less-appealing Bush twin. They also got him to sign a pre-nup that will leave him, in case of divorce, with no rights to Jenna’s bush, assets, or asses.
This is the first engagement for the bride as well as the groom, although Jenna had proposed to men outside of bars on numerous occasions after a night of tequila shooters.
A former aide to Karl Rove, Hager, who reportedly can’t drive 55, was not considered a serious suitor when he and Jenna began their relationship more than two years ago; but after he had graduated first in the Dark Arts from Rovewarts, the Bush family began to consider him a potential husband.
Rare photo of Jenna Bush's presidential seal tattoo.
Hager’s father, John Hager, is the chairman of the Virginia Republican party. When the president was asked it there was a connection, he answered, “Well, there’s no connection, I mean, the two aren’t connected, I don’t tell my daughter, my daughter, I whored her out so Fred Thompson could win the primary.”
Jenna told reporters she hoped there would be a White House wedding, but she was worried about the attendance.
“Uncle Karl won’t be there,” she said, “or Aunt Harriet or Uncle Donald or Uncle Andy or Uncle Ari or Uncle Colin. Of course, being black, he probably wouldn’t have been invited anyway. Who knows how long Uncle Alberto will be here? Uncle Dick could go at any time. Maybe we’ll do it at city hall.”
The President said he was just happy that Jenna would be moving out of the East Wing basement so he could set up his fussball table.
