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Larry Craig Hires Michael Vick's Lawyer to Beat Cockfighting Charges
Sep 5, 2007, 10:22
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BOISE, Idaho - Embattled Senator Larry Craig (R-Teahouse) has retained Michael Vick's attorney Billy Martin to represent him in a fight to clear his name and to regain his seat in the Senate.

"My client did not technically engage in—nor does he actually condone—cockfighting," declared Mr. Martin, "and I have to wonder why he is getting so much press when there are serious cases of heterosexual harassment that go unreported every day."

Mr. Martin's remarks indicate that Senator Craig will play the homophobe card in his battle to hold onto his Senate seat.

"If Senator Craig had been accused of rape, heterosexual rape, of course, his fellow senators would have smiled and looked the other way," said Mr. Martin. "Hell, Ted Kennedy would have probably invited him to go yachting or wind surfing or whatever it is old white guys do."

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Senator Craig was arrested and pleaded guilty to "solicitation to engage in cockfighting in a public place" on June 11 after he had been snared in a cockfighting sting in the men's room of the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport. He now claims that he did not realize cockfighting in public restrooms was a felony in Minnesota. He thought that by pleading guilty to what he assumed was a misdemeanor he could spare his family any embarrassment.

"My client knows in his heart—and more importantly in his cock—that he did nothing wrong," said Mr. Martin. "He loves his cock and would never put it in harm's way. He and his cock are looking forward to their day in court."

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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.