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Because you are highly possessive, adore your own company, and are inclined to mate for life, you begin a campaign to have self-sex marriages legalized. Your slogan, "Be part of the problem and part of the solution at the same time," is too clever by half, and your campaign comes to grief when you are caught making an unauthorized deposit at a sperm bank.

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Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Sample chapters . . . -1-  -2-


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Vanessa Hudgens Homemade Sex Video Surfaces on Internet
Sep 9, 2007 - 5:58
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LOS ANGELES - Vanessa Hudgens has more to apologize for than a few perky-breasted but otherwise virginal nude photos currently starring as the screen savers du jour of sticky-fingered Internet types, young and old, across the United States.

The photos, it seems, were only the tit of the iceberg. Bed-headed geeks and freaks with dodgy skin and prophylactics over their keyboards will be chuffed to learn that the risqué snapper shots of Ms. Hudgens, the perky-breasted, eighteen-year-old star of High School Musical, are actually stills from an autoerotic sex-video she made for Nickelodeon star Drake Bell two years ago.

According to THEM Weekly, Ms. Hudgens' sex video, coyly entitled Open Me First, was made "as a gag Christmas gift" and emailed to Mr. Bell, who denies ever seeing it.

"Drake never opened the video—first, last, or otherwise," said a representative. "He learned his lesson about opening email attachments, even from people he knows intimately."

Those who have opened Open Me First—forty-five seconds' worth of footage apparently filmed with a cell phone camera—were treated to a nude Ms. Hudgens sitting spread-eagled in front of a Christmas tree. She is wearing a Santa hat, Christmas gift tags about the size of silver dollars for pasties, and a red, mistletoe-decorated thong.

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While Zamfir's version of "You're All I Want for Christmas" plays in the background, Ms. Hudgens removes the pasties from her perky breasts and smiles alluringly into the camera.

Next she takes off the thong and waves it seductively. Then, removing the Santa hat and slipping her right hand into it, she whispers, "I want Santa to come up my chimney because I've been a good little girl this year."

In other news, the Recording Industry Association of America has mailed Debbie Foster 68,685 one-dollar checks to satisfy a judgment she won against the watchdog group.



© The fine print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.

 

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