Your Almost Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
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The Grammar Prick
 Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
 The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters: 1 2
Free the Music
 Strike a blow for freedom.
Download music today.
You can't beat the price.
Get the skinny at Zeropaid.
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Casey Anthony Jurors, Exclusive Sneak Preview and Personal Details
ORLANDO, Fla. - The identities of the jurors who found Casey Anthony not guilty of murdering her two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Caylee, will be made public tomorrow amid fears that they will be targeted for retribution by internet cranks, the grossly unappealing, the morbidly obese, and other social rejects who want "Justice for Caylee."
More.
Oct 24, 2011, 10:13
Cornel West Reveals Where He Plans to Get Arrested Next
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Cornel West is on a roll. The silver-tongued, fuzzy-headed, musty-looking Princetonian has been arrested twice in the last seven days. What's more, according to a communication he sent to this website yesterday, he hasn't taken his last ride in a paddy wagon yet.
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Oct 23, 2011, 17:09
Illegal Immigration in a Nutsack
HARLINGEN, Texas - While some Republican presidential candidates have been campaigning on various schemes to keep illegal immigrants out of the United States—building the mother of all electrified fences along the border with Mexico or digging a fifty-yard-wide moat and filling it with sewer water and rabid alligators—the Obama Administration has quietly deported a record number of illegals, nearly 400,000, during the last year alone.
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Oct 22, 2011, 09:31
An Open Letter to the Dickhead UPS Driver in West Chester
Yo, Douchebag:
Yeah, you. You know who you are, you rodent-faced, child-molesting cocksucker. You're the arrogant pissant who parked your stupid-ass UPS shit-brown truck in a handicapped-parking space in West Chester, Pennsylvania, this morning (October 12).
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Oct 12, 2011, 13:21
Postcards from the Pug Bus Suing The Knish for Plagiarism
(Reuters) - Phil Maggitti, founder and editor in briefs of Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania's most influential satire site, has filed suit in a local kangaroo court alleging that another satire site, The Knish, "did willfully and with fucking malice and without my goddamn say-so" steal one of my articles and present it on The Knish as its own.
More.
Oct 6, 2011, 13:29
PETA Rallies Snails Rights Advocates In Florida
MIAMI - Snails rights advocates picketed outside the Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables yesterday to protest the addition of giant African snails to the menu of the hotel's Palme d'Or restaurant.
More.
Oct 2, 2011, 12:00
Memo Leaked about New Dummies Books from Wiley
HOBOKEN, N.J. - John Wiley & Sons, publishers of the gratingly familiar black-and-yellow Dummies books, has sold more than 200 million of those jive, patronizing critters since DOS for Dummies crawled out of the ocean in 1991. In fact, with more than sixteen hundred titles already printed, Dummies is the world's bestselling reference brand.
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Sep 13, 2011, 11:06
Moby, Ludacris, Dylan Klebold Have Birthdays Cock Blocked by 9/11 Shit
NEW YORK - Entertainers Moby and Ludacris and mass murderer Dylan Klebold are among countless Americans whose birthdays have been cock blocked by the barrage of remembrances, memorials, and bake sales held each year on September 11. Their stories are but three more examples of how our lives have been changed irreparably by the events of that tragic and fateful day.
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Sep 11, 2011, 13:59
Help Save the Post Office, Take This Quiz
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - The United States Postal Service (USPS) may go tits up this winter if Congress doesn't provide it with mail sacks full of cash, roughly $5.5 billion, give or take. That's the depth of the shit hole the USPS needs to drag its sorry ass out of by the end of this month, just about the time that letter carriers are covering their knobby knees with long pants.
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Sep 8, 2011, 13:21
Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin Gone and Forgotten
PHILADELPHIA - Five years ago tomorrow Steve Irwin, better known as the crocodile hunter, died as he had lived: messing with a dangerous critter with whom he had no business messing. This time it was a bull stingray, who was minding his own business in waters near the Great Barrier Reef when the Billy Mays of conservationists came barging along.
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Sep 3, 2011, 16:49
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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
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 Follow the Pug Bus
or it will follow you home.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
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