Your Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
You will have a strange dream in which you see a giant field of sunflowers in the distance. As you race toward the field in slow motion, you begin to hear a sound coming from the sunflowers. When you reach the field, you discover that the sunflowers have the faces of The Village People, and they're singing "YMCA."
cover of pug bus book

Postcards from the Pug Bus, the book that inspired a website, is now available from Cedar Tree Books. Click here to read a sample chapter.
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Satire Site Reveals How to Tell When You've Had Sex
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. - Researchers at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University were gobsmacked to learn that people cannot agree on what they mean when they say they've "had sex. This conclusion was reached following phone interviews with a random sample of 204 men and 282 women living in Indiana. The respondents ranged in age from eighteen to ninety-six. Most were heterosexual. More.
Mar 5, 2010, 11:20


Did SeaWorld Trainer Dawn Brancheau Commit Suicide?
ORLANDO - As SeaWorld prepares to reintroduce its Dancing with Killer Whales program this weekend, rumors have begun rising, like tiny bubbles of blood to the surface of the water, regarding the mind set of orca trainer Dawn Brancheau, who died a public and agonizing death on Wednesday. More.
Feb 27, 2010, 10:18


PETA Wants Tilikum the Killer Whale Tried As a Dolphin
NORFOLK, Vir. - PETA has served notice to SeaWorld attorneys that it plans to file an amicus Delphinidae brief in a Florida district court on behalf of Tilikum, the so-called "killer whale," who is suspected of drowning one of his trainers while attempting to turn her into sashimi. More.
Feb 25, 2010, 11:12


Kevin Smith Put on No-Fly List for Posing a Threat to Gravity
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. - Director Kevin Smith, who was asked to decamp from a Southwest Airlines Oakland-to-Burbank flight recently because he could not fit into one seat, has been added to The American Society for the Conservation of Gravity's (ASCG) no-fly list. More.
Feb 15, 2010, 10:36


Viagra Vision Loss Blamed in Senior Citizen Fire
EXTON, Penna. - A seventy-two-year-old man set fire to his apartment in the Sunrise Acres retirement facility last night after he had tried to light a candle but ignited the drapes instead. Gerald DeHaven told police he had taken Viagra about an hour before accidentally starting the blaze that destroyed the drapes and a futon in his apartment and forced the evacuation of the 525-member facility. More.
Feb 4, 2010, 06:28


AARP Head Announces Support for Legalized Pot
WASHINGTON - The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) will sponsor a smoke-in to promote the group's campaign to legalize marijuana. The weekend event, called the Great American Pot Luck Festival, will be held at Daytona International Speedway in Florida, July 8-10. Sponsors include Grecian Formula, Cialis, Fixodent, Beano, Depends, and Correctol with Stool Softener. More.
Feb 1, 2010, 16:20


Wikipedia Reporting that J.D. Salinger Faked His Death
Iconic author J.D. Salinger is alive and well and resting comfortably on a cruise ship in the Caribbean, according to an Associated Press report. Mr. Salinger, 91, is thought to have returned to his first love, the sea, because he increasingly felt that "a land-based existence was an invasion of his privacy." More.
Jan 29, 2010, 08:10


Verizon Guy Sued for Telephone Harassment
BREWSTER, NY - Paul Marcarelli, better known to millions of television viewers as "the Verizon guy," has been sued for sexual harassment and making terroristic threats by telephone. The suit was filed by Marcarelli's ex-fiancee, Julia Richardson, in Brewster, NY, where Marcarelli lives when he isn't traveling the country asking "Can you hear me now?" More.
Nov 30, 2009, 06:29


Local SPCA Rescues 250 Pug Dog Figurines
CHADDS FORD, Penn. - Acting on a tip from a local animal rights activist, police and SPCA officers raided the home of longtime pug figurine collector Dotsie Kerrigan, 67, yesterday. As horrified neighbors in the exclusive development of Chadds Ford Knoll looked on, police removed more than 250 pug figurines from Kerrigan's $850,000 mock Tudor house. More.
Nov 29, 2009, 13:19


U.S. Moves to Metric System to Fight Obesity
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Beginning in January 2011 the United States will switch to the metric system to fight obesity. Physicians, who weigh people every day, say after the switch almost no one will be obese. More.
Nov 7, 2009, 07:19

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