The Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Now is the time to spread your wings, to wax extravagant, to wax that excess body hair, to use the high-price spread and the extra-wide spreader. Don't settle for mushrooms when truffles are available. Be bold, defy convention, defy the odds. Do not, however, attempt to defy gravity. She's not in a pleasant mood this time of year, and she's cranky in anticipation of the demands of increased holiday travel. If you keep it low and slow, you'll rise to new heights.
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Three Second Rule Extended During Recession
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The federal three-second guideline, which cautions people against picking up food and eating it more than three seconds after it has been dropped, will be extended to six seconds for the remainder of the current recession, according to a U.S. Department of Agriculture spokesperson.
More.
Mar 25, 2009, 12:50
Nation’s Largest Sperm Banks Seek Bailout
LOS ANGELES – AIG (Alternative Insemination Group) and Semen Brothers, the nation’s two largest sperm banks, say they cannot come close to meeting financial obligations without a sizable “money shot” from Washington.
More.
Mar 18, 2009, 09:14
Teachers Charged with Molesting Students Form Educational Group
ORLANDO, Fla. – Debra Lafave, Linda R. Nef, and Valynne Bowers, all of whom have been accused of having sex with their students, held a press conference here yesterday to announce the formation of the North American Teacher Student Love Association (NATSLA), a group dedicated to legitimizing “valid, caring relationships” between teachers and their students.
More.
Mar 13, 2009, 11:56
Experts Disagree on the Value of Agreeing to Disagree
SAUSALITO, Calif. - Negotiation experts, convening at the fifth annual "Art of Negotiation" conference in Sausalito, California, this week, are busy hammering out a charter on the finer points of negotiating everything from political disputes to hostage standoffs. One area of disagreement appears to be the effectiveness of the strategy of agreeing to disagree.
More.
Jan 6, 2009, 16:48
Dallas Area Mortgage Broker Stuns Seminar with Revelation
DALLAS - According to reports, more than one hundred mortgage professionals were horrified when area mortgage broker, Louise Pennington, publicly claimed that her motivation for originating small commercial loans was the potential to earn large sums of money.
More.
Dec 30, 2008, 12:21
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Goes Green
NEW YORK - The Christmas Lyric Renovators of America have announced that the popular children's Christmas classic, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, is long overdue for modernization.
More.
Dec 10, 2008, 10:01
Proposition 8 Could Make California a Haven for Gay Couples
SACRAMENTO, Calif. – The approval of Proposition 8, the so-called gay marriage ban, in California has turned the Golden State into a haven for gay couples. Thousands of same-sex partners from across the United States and Canada are pouring into California, seeking refuge from the pitfalls of heterosexual-style marriage.
More.
Nov 13, 2008, 15:18
National Enquirer Bares Torrid Affair between Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The National Enquirer reports that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the two largest mortgage guarantors in the U.S., have been enmeshed in a sizzling love affair that makes the John Edwards-Rielle Hunter liaison "look like Mom and apple pie."
More.
Sep 5, 2008, 11:52
Starbucks to Open First Port-o-Cup Outlet
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – The Starbucks corporation announced yesterday that it will open it’s first Port-o-Cup™ outlet in West Chester, Pennsylvania, on the Postcards from the Pug Bus compound, where a mysterious horselike sculpture appeared recently.
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Mar 23, 2008, 12:17
Writers Strike Cripples Celebrity Satire, Sex Video Website
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – The three-month-old Writer’s Guild of America (WGA) strike has flattened the tires of Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading celebrity satire website.
More.
Jan 28, 2008, 11:10
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