The Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Now is the time to spread your wings, to wax extravagant, to wax that excess body hair, to use the high-price spread and the extra-wide spreader. Don't settle for mushrooms when truffles are available. Be bold, defy convention, defy the odds. Do not, however, attempt to defy gravity. She's not in a pleasant mood this time of year, and she's cranky in anticipation of the demands of increased holiday travel. If you keep it low and slow, you'll rise to new heights.
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Phish Fans Blame Phish for Parking Lot Busts
HAMPTON, Vir. – Irate Phish fans blame the band for turning the parking lots outside the Hampton Coliseum into a police state last weekend. The Vermont quartet, who hadn’t performed in public in more than four years, launched a reunion tour in Hampton with sold out concerts last Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
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Mar 11, 2009, 13:05
Bono Accused of Leaking New U2 Album
DUBLIN – U2 frontman, Bono, has been accused by his band mates of leaking the group’s new album, No Line on the Horizon, well in advance of its March 3 release date. The charges were leveled as the new album became widely available on BitTorrent and file sharing websites early this week.
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Feb 20, 2009, 10:37
Laura Bush Apes Carla Bruni-Sarkozy in Hot Nude CD Spread
WASHINGTON, D.C. – First Lady Laura Bush, not to be outdone by her French counterpart, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, and her latest album release Comme Si de Rien N'Etait (As If Nothing Had Happened), announced today that her first album, I Wish We Could Dance and Read At the Same Time (J'adore Le Fromage Bleu), was scheduled for release to coincide with the upcoming holiday shopping season.
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Oct 23, 2008, 08:28
Recent Klaus Harmony Sightings Fuel Speculation
LONDON, ENGLAND - What is it about a dead genius which attracts such frenzied speculation? Examine the myths surrounding any icon and a conspiracy theory is never far away. Never was this more true than in the case of Klaus Harmony, the German maestro of erotik cinema or, as he is more popularly known, the “Mozart of Porn.”
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Mar 17, 2008, 10:45
RIAA Wants Record Labels to Limit Home CD Use
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has fingered consumers who play CDs repeatedly as “the single greatest secret threat” to recording industry profits. The industry watchdog group is suggesting, therefore, that record labels take steps to limit the number of times a CD can be played in the home.
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Dec 12, 2007, 09:39
Clay Aiken Birthday Quiz, Exclusive
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Clay Aiken, who rode a second-place finish on American Idol and a don’t-ask-don’t-tell sexuality to fame, fortune, and speculation, is twenty-nine today. The artist formerly known as Clayton Holmes Grissom will spend the day counting his blessings with “a special friend or two.”
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Nov 30, 2007, 14:00
Amy Winehouse Cancels All Personal Hygiene Activities
LONDON – Singer Amy Winehouse, 24, has announced that she is canceling all personal hygiene activities—even down to having her beehive steam cleaned—until her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, is released from London’s Pentonville prison.
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Nov 29, 2007, 10:35
Phish to Reunite for New Year’s Eve Gig in Dubai
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates – Phish, the once and future kings of the jam band court, will reunite for a three-day, seven-set New Year’s Eve celebration on a manmade island off the coast of Dubai, a spokesman for the group announced yesterday.
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Nov 14, 2007, 16:43
Blackwater, RIAA Join Forces to Combat Music Piracy
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Blackwater USA, the rogue security company accused of sport killing innocent civilians in Iraq, has agreed to provide “tactical enforcement capabilities” for the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America).
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Oct 15, 2007, 13:35
Radio Station Urges Bruce Springsteen Fans to Burn His CDs
PHILADELPHIA – Classic-rock station WOLD in Philadelphia is urging Bruce Springsteen fans to meet in the station’s parking lot on City Line Avenue this Saturday at 10:00 a.m. and to bring their Springsteen CDs with them.
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Oct 7, 2007, 14:18
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