Your Seldom Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
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The Grammar Prick
 Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
 The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters: 1 2
Free the Music
 Strike a blow for freedom.
Download music today.
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An Open Letter to the Rolling Stones
Dear Mick, Keith, Charlie, and the New Guy,
I have learned recently that you geezers might be touring next year. Please don't. In the name of all that's wrinkled, wizened, and way past its prime—namely you sorry git—take a minute to stop and think about what you're doing. You look like shite; you sound like shite. Indeed, I don't think Brian Jones looks any worse than you wankers do these days
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Sep 10, 2011, 15:36
RIAA Sues Fetus as Accessory to Illegal Downloading
NEW YORK -- The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has lowered the bar in its war against music piracy. In a surprising legal maneuver the RIAA slapped a four-month-old fetus with a Baby Doe warrant for being an accessory to its mother's illegal downloading of three Trout Fishing in America CDs and several other CDs of children's music.
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Mar 4, 2010, 10:01
Musicians Admit to Only Pretending to Like Pete Seeger
Dave Matthews, Bruce Springsteen, and a host of musicians who have appeared with folk singer Pete Seeger during the last few years have admitted they were "only pretending to like" the ninety-year-old Seeger and his music.
More.
Mar 3, 2010, 12:38
Lil' Wayne Sentencing Postponed for Hemorrhoid Surgery
NEW YORK - Once again an attorney for Lil' Wayne has requested a postponement of the rapscallion's jail sentencing for attempted gun possession. The sentencing had been scheduled originally for last month, but Judge Charles H. Solomon agreed to a request for a postponement because Lil' Wayne needed eight root canals and complex dental-implant work
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Mar 2, 2010, 13:11
Klaus Harmony Tribute Band Will Rock 2011 Super Bowl
A German Klaus Harmony tribute band calling themselves the Wondercrotchens is scheduled to rock the 2011 Super Bowl, according to a National Football League spokesperson. Their appearance will mark the first ever performance by a tribute band at the famed sporting event.
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Feb 8, 2010, 07:52
Van Morrison Files for Intellectual Bankruptcy
DUBLIN - Irish singer and curmudgeon Van Morrison has filed for intellectual bankruptcy, according to a notice published on his official website&mdsah;The Gospel According to St. Van.
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Jan 11, 2010, 10:00
Bono Challenges World Leaders to Save Board Games
MILPITAS, Calif. - Bono, U2's crusading frontman, has set himself his most ambitious and difficult task to date: rescuing board games from neglect and despair.
More.
Nov 11, 2009, 10:29
Phish Fans Blame Phish for Parking Lot Busts
HAMPTON, Vir. - Irate Phish fans blame the band for turning the parking lots outside the Hampton Coliseum into a police state last weekend. The Vermont quartet, who hadn't performed in public in more than four years, launched a reunion tour in Hampton with sold out concerts last Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
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Mar 11, 2009, 13:05
Bono Accused of Leaking New U2 Album
DUBLIN - U2 frontman, Bono, has been accused by his band mates of leaking the group's new album, No Line on the Horizon, well in advance of its March 3 release date. The charges were leveled as the new album became widely available on BitTorrent and file sharing websites early this week.
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Feb 20, 2009, 10:37
Recent Klaus Harmony Sightings Fuel Speculation
LONDON - What is it about a dead genius which attracts such frenzied speculation? Examine the myths surrounding any icon and a conspiracy theory is never far away. Never was this more true than in the case of Klaus Harmony, the German maestro of erotik cinema or, as he is more popularly known, the "Mozart of Porn."
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Mar 17, 2008, 10:45
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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
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or it will follow you home.
The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die
1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
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