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Pope Benedict Approves Measure to Increase Vocations
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Responding to the need for priestly vocations in the United States, Pope Benedict XVI has ordered officials from the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops to sponsor the first annual Running of the Altar Boys in hopes of attracting new members to the church's all-male clergy.
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Apr 17, 2008, 09:58
Salvation Army Surge Begins on Black Friday
ALEXANDRIA, Vir. – Inspired by reports touting the success of the military surge in Iraq, which is credited with driving an 8-percent increase in foot traffic and impulse buying at the Baghdad Mall, the Salvation Army has announced plans to roll out a similar strategy beginning on Black Friday.
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Nov 20, 2007, 12:08
Conan O’Brien Stalker Reassigned by Vatican
BOSTON – David Ajemian, the Roman Catholic priest who was arrested last week in New York for allegedly stalking Conan O'Brien, has been reassigned to the Vatican, a papal spokesman announced today.
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Nov 11, 2007, 14:01
Vatican Airlines Flying the Holy Skies
ROME - Vatican Airlines, the world’s first airline for Catholic pilgrims, celebrated its inaugural flight yesterday when 140 of the faithful ascended from Fiumicino airport on a chartered flight to Lourdes.
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Aug 28, 2007, 09:32
Mother Teresa Letters Reveal She Just Wanted to Get Laid
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Letters written by Mother Teresa indicate that although she is one cardinal’s fart from becoming a saint, she was much like the rest of us sinners in one important way: she just wanted to get laid. Trouble was, she hadn’t a clue about how to go about it, which also made her just like the rest of us.
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Aug 26, 2007, 08:25
Skype Outage Only the Beginning Warns an Angry God
LUXEMBOURG – God has claimed full responsibility for the mysterious Skype outage that left an estimated five to six million of his subjects unable to make phone calls or to send instant messages via the popular Internet-based service last week.
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Aug 22, 2007, 10:59
Exodus International Touts Turnaround for Homosexual Priests
ORLANDO, Florida - Exodus International, the Christian evangelical fellowship renowned for its success in turning gays and lesbians into “socially useful” heterosexuals, announced yesterday that a group of more than one thousand gay men has turned “effectively heterosexual” as a result of the ex-gay therapy promoted by Exodus.
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Aug 16, 2007, 10:44
Instant Karma Author to Appear at Philadelphia Rally
PHILADELPHIA – Sri Edward Boghaven, author of Instant Karma: How to Appear Worthy Even When You're Being a Total Dick, will address twenty thousand of his followers tonight at a rally scheduled to begin at 7:30 in Philadelphia’s Wachovia Center.
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Jul 23, 2007, 12:16
Pope Benedict XVI Approves Pig Latin Mass
VATICAN CITY – Following months of intense speculation, Pope Benedict XVI announced the elimination of restrictions on the use of Pig Latin in the conduct of the mass, weddings, funerals, and other liturgical proceedings of the Catholic Church.
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Jul 9, 2007, 10:58
Paris Hilton Interview Denied by Jesus
LOS ANGELES – Hoping to preempt Paris Hilton’s sure-to-come assertion that it was her discovery of Jesus Christ, and Mr. Christ’s discovery of her, that got her through those long nights in prison, Mr. Christ has emailed a statement to the Los Angeles Times. The email, from yaweh333@yahoo.com, arrived at the newspaper’s editorial office late yesterday afternoon.
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Jun 23, 2007, 10:04
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