Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate
. Visit The Grammar Prick
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
What to Do When She Screams for God During Sex
Dear Friedrich: My girlfriend of several weeks has a habit that could doom our relationship. Whenever we have sex, which is quite frequently and loudly, she begins screaming "Oh god, oh god, oh my god" right before she comes. The problem is, I'm an atheist, and I find this habit distracting. How do I tell her I'd like her to scream something else, preferably my name, instead?
God Throws Shade on Rainbow Bridge Myth
HEAVEN - Pet owners took one in the shorts today when The Lord God Almighty issued a press release in which He questioned the existence of the Rainbow Bridge, a mythical place just this side of heaven where deceased pets "are made young and healthy again" while they wait for their owners to join them. The animals are happy and content, but they each miss someone special who had to be left behind.
Facebook Presents the Twelve Genders of Christmas
Facebook is a festering boil on the right butt cheek of humanity, largely because Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg is a sushi-loving Nancy boy who squats to pee. Not content with giving Fuck Bookers forty-nine more gender choices (fifty-on) than they needed (two), Zipper Boy stuffed twenty additional gender choices up the alt-right's ass. We are, indeed, spoilt for choice. Lucky us.
God Says He Never Saw This Election Coming
The Lord God Almighty—King of Kings, Giver of All Gifts, Father of All Fathers, and Keeper of the Most Holy Restroom Key—admitted today that he “never saw this election coming.” Speaking exclusively to Postcards from the Pug Bus as part of his atheist outreach program, The Big Fella shook his leonine head slowly and continued, “I saw Brexit coming, I predicted the immigration mess in Europe, and I’ve called the last six Dancing with the Stars winners and runners up, but Mr. Trump?
God Says He Told Ref to Throw Flag at “That Silly High School Kid”
The Lord God Almighty—King of Kings, Giver of All Gifts, Father of All Fathers, and Keeper of the Most Holy Restroom Key—announced today that He was responsible for the penalty assessed on a high school football player who pointed to the sky, and ostensibly at God, after scoring a touchdown in a game two weeks ago.
What Did Pope Francis Know and When Did He Know It?
Since finding out last week that Pope Francis, “the cool pope,” had met secretly with Kim Davis in Washington, D.C., on September 24, a meeting that was kept on the down low for six days, everybody from Catholic church officials to their gay brothers-in-law have been scrambling to explain why that meeting didn’t amount to a hill of rosary beads.
When Francis Met Kim
His Supreme Excellency Pope Francis—in addition to meeting with the Harlem Globe Trotters, Vice-President “Meadowlark” Biden (who presented him with a photo of Mr. Biden’s late son, Beau), illegal immigrants, disabled illegal immigrants, and the AARP’s Seniors’ Transgender Alliance—also conspired to meet secretly with Kim Davis at the Vatican’s underground bunker in Washington, D.C.
Christian Baker Doesn't Knead Michelle Duggar's Business
Reeling from the recent child abuse scandal—and having resigned as executive director of the Family Research Council—Josh Duggar took his wife and their three children from Washington, D.C., back to the family homestead in Springdale, Arkansas.
God "Sick and Tired of Being Everybody's Damn Witness"
The Lord God Almighty has had it up to his Charlton Heston-like brow with people who say "as god is my witness" when they want to underscore a statement or a threat.
Top Ten Reasons Cats Aren't Mentioned in the Bible
Two things are certain about the bible: animals were harmed during its production, and cats are not mentioned anywhere in it. If you care to, you can find calves and camels, cankerworms and cattle, cocks and cattle, crickets and crocodiles, but no cats.
Atheist Brotherhood to Begin Unbaptizing Dead People
The Universal Brotherhood of the Confrontational Atheist (UBCA) will begin unbaptizing dead people next month, says the group's founder, the Reverend Philip Feral. Believed to be the first program of its kind in West Goshen Township, which was Money Magazine's eleventh-best small town in America in 2009, unbaptizing removes "the taint of baptism" from the deceased.
Pope Francis OK with Miley Cyrus Remark
Pope Francis told the website Hunger TV that people should not be so quick to condemn Miley Cyrus for saying she didn't want some "seventy-year-old Jewish man that doesn’t leave his desk all day, telling me what the clubs want to hear."
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
The Pug Bus Blogs On
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass
has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story
from time to time.
Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do
know about Schrödinger’s cat
and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards
is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-
You Can't Photoshop This
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.