Pope Benedict XVI Declares War on Wet Dreams
VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI, who threatened condom users in Africa with excommunication recently, is now taking aim on wet dreams. In an encyclical entitled God Owns the Night the supreme pontiff warned Catholics that they "cannot seek refuge in sleep" in order to enjoy illicit sexual activities.
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Mar 21, 2009, 09:51
Microsoft Acquires Christian Software Firm
REDMOND - Wash. - Microsoft's CEO Bill Gates announced yesterday that his company had acquired Endtimes! Software, the leading Christian software producer in Alabama. Endtimes!, "the inspired binary word of the Lord," is headquartered in Opp, the center of Alabama's Silicone Holler. The company produces "salvation software for Jesus geeks."
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Mar 14, 2009, 08:50
Shocking Biblical Revelation: When Adam Met Steve
TEL AVIV – Conservative Christian groups around the world have been thrown into a state of disarray after texts from the newly discovered Apocrypha of Genesis were released to the religious press today.
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Sep 22, 2008, 15:07
Pope Benedict Approves Measure to Increase Vocations
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Responding to the need for priestly vocations in the United States, Pope Benedict XVI has ordered officials from the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops to sponsor the first annual Running of the Altar Boys in hopes of attracting new members to the church's all-male clergy.
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Apr 17, 2008, 09:58
Pope Benedict Will Visit West Chester, Pennsylvania
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Pope Benedict XVI will visit West Chester, Pennsylvania, Wednesday evening, a member of the pope’s entourage has confirmed.
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Apr 14, 2008, 12:59
Salvation Army Surge Begins on Black Friday
ALEXANDRIA, Vir. – Inspired by reports touting the success of the military surge in Iraq, which is credited with driving an 8-percent increase in foot traffic and impulse buying at the Baghdad Mall, the Salvation Army has announced plans to roll out a similar strategy beginning on Black Friday.
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Nov 20, 2007, 12:08
Conan O’Brien Stalker Reassigned by Vatican
BOSTON – David Ajemian, the Roman Catholic priest who was arrested last week in New York for allegedly stalking Conan O'Brien, has been reassigned to the Vatican, a papal spokesman announced today.
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Nov 11, 2007, 14:01
Vatican Airlines Flying the Holy Skies
ROME - Vatican Airlines, the world’s first airline for Catholic pilgrims, celebrated its inaugural flight yesterday when 140 of the faithful ascended from Fiumicino airport on a chartered flight to Lourdes.
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Aug 28, 2007, 09:32
Mother Teresa Letters Reveal She Just Wanted to Get Laid
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Letters written by Mother Teresa indicate that although she is one cardinal’s fart from becoming a saint, she was much like the rest of us sinners in one important way: she just wanted to get laid. Trouble was, she hadn’t a clue about how to go about it, which also made her just like the rest of us.
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Aug 26, 2007, 08:25
Skype Outage Only the Beginning Warns an Angry God
LUXEMBOURG – God has claimed full responsibility for the mysterious Skype outage that left an estimated five to six million of his subjects unable to make phone calls or to send instant messages via the popular Internet-based service last week.
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Aug 22, 2007, 10:59
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