Your Daily Horoscope (Ramp Accessible)
Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.

Follow the Pug Bus on Twitter—or else.
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Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton Discuss Sex in Jail
MACON CITY, Geo. - Making good on their pledge to help change the world, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, and Paris Hilton held a panel discussion that airs on The Oprah Winfrey Show Tuesday November 20.
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Nov 18, 2007, 12:31
Hugh Grant, Richard Gere, Alec Baldwin Make Apologies
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Now that Hugh Grant, Richard Gere, and Alec Baldwin find themselves in the uncomfortable position of having their dicks in a wringer because of their recent actions, they have begun shoveling out apologies in every direction, hoping to bury their misdeeds beneath a flurry of calculated contriteness.
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Apr 27, 2007, 08:48
Britney Spears, Mel Gibson, Dick Clark Top New Year's Wrap Up
LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears suffers from a rare form of narcolepsy. Mel Gibson to play Saddam Hussein in a low-budget indie flick. Dick Clark still talks funny. These are the top stories of the new year. What goes around keeps going around, but who's keeping score?
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Jan 2, 2007, 20:43
Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan in Witches of Eastwick
HOLLYWOOD - Viacom chairman, Sumner Redstone, is expected to announce early next week that Viacom subsidiary Paramount Pictures has signed Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan to star in a remake of the 1987 comedy-thriller The Witches of Eastwick.
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Nov 30, 2006, 07:49
Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Katie Holmes Thanksgiving Message
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - This Thanksgiving, while you're stuffing yourself with enough food to sustain a Third World orphan for a year—wishing that your bore-ass of a brother- in-law would choke on a drumstick and that your family members were more fashionably dressed—remember that Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Katie Holmes, and other celebrities observe Thanksgiving just as you do, except they have lots more to be thankful about.
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Nov 23, 2006, 10:12
Lindsay Lohan, Tom Cruise, Anna Nicole Smith Approval Drops
NEW YORK - According to the latest New York Times/CBS News poll, Brad Pitt and Clay Aiken registered the greatest increase in their job-approval ratings, while Tom Cruise, Anna Nicole Smith, Lindsay Lohan, and others saw their job performance scores drop. The poll, which has a 3.5 percent margin of correctness, was conducted between September 15 and 17. The winners and losers:
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Sep 21, 2006, 10:24
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