Your Almost Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
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The Grammar Prick
 Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
 The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters: 1 2
Free the Music
 Strike a blow for freedom.
Download music today.
You can't beat the price.
Get the skinny at Zeropaid.
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Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton Discuss Sex in Jail
MACON CITY, Geo. - Making good on their pledge to help change the world, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, and Paris Hilton held a panel discussion that airs on The Oprah Winfrey Show Tuesday November 20.
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Nov 18, 2007, 12:31
Hugh Grant, Richard Gere, Alec Baldwin Make Apologies | BBQ Update
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Now that Hugh Grant, Richard Gere, and Alec Baldwin find themselves in the uncomfortable position of having their dicks in a wringer because of their recent actions, they have begun shoveling out apologies in every direction, hoping to bury their misdeeds beneath a flurry of calculated contriteness.
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Apr 27, 2007, 08:48
Britney Spears, Mel Gibson, Dick Clark Top New Year's Wrap Up
LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears suffers from a rare form of narcolepsy. Mel Gibson to play Saddam Hussein in a low-budget indie flick. Dick Clark still talks funny. These are the top stories of the new year. What goes around keeps going around, but who's keeping score?
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Jan 2, 2007, 20:43
Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan in Witches of Eastwick
HOLLYWOOD - Viacom chairman, Sumner Redstone, is expected to announce early next week that Viacom subsidiary Paramount Pictures has signed Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan to star in a remake of the 1987 comedy-thriller The Witches of Eastwick.
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Nov 30, 2006, 07:49
Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Katie Holmes Thanksgiving Message
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - This Thanksgiving, while you're stuffing yourself with enough food to sustain a Third World orphan for a year—wishing that your bore-ass of a brother-in-law would choke on a drumstick and that your family members were more fashionably dressed—remember that Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Katie Holmes, and other celebrities observe Thanksgiving just as you do, except they have lots more to be thankful about.
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Nov 23, 2006, 10:12
Lindsay Lohan, Tom Cruise, Anna Nicole Smith Approval Drops
NEW YORK - According to the latest New York Times/CBS News poll, Brad Pitt and Clay Aiken registered the greatest increase in their job-approval ratings, while Tom Cruise, Anna Nicole Smith, Lindsay Lohan, and others saw their job performance scores drop. The poll, which has a 3.5 percent margin of correctness, was conducted between September 15 and 17. The winners and losers:
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Sep 21, 2006, 10:24
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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
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 Follow the Pug Bus
or it will follow you home.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
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