Your Seldom Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
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The Grammar Prick
 Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
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Postcards the Book
 The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters: 1 2
Free the Music
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Ten Ways to Tell If Your Wife Has Poisoned Her Cha-Cha
WEST CHESTER, Penna. -- The war between the sexes took a turn for the grim recently. A woman in Sao de Jose Rio Preto, Brazil, tried to kill her husband by putting a poisonous substance in her snatch and then asking him if he fancied a box lunch.
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Feb 3, 2013, 12:26
Raffaele Sollecito Eager to Step Out of Amanda Knox's Shadow
PERUGIA, Italy - No matter what happens when an Italian court reaches a verdict in the appeals trial of Raffaele Sollecito and Amanda Knox today, Mr. Sollecito says he is ready to be "my own man (un uomo con grandi testicoli)," not "a puppy on a leash," as he has been called by the Italian press.
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Oct 3, 2011, 10:07
Proposed Nagasaki Ground-Zero Shinto-Christian Center Draws Protest
NAGASAKI - Thousands of irate Japanese citizens turned out in Nagasaki last weekend to protest the planned construction of a Shinto-Christian cultural center, located just two blocks from the bull's eye of the city's Industrial Valley, an area known as "Ground Zero" since 1945.
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Aug 10, 2010, 11:38
Vatican Chorister Fingered in Gay Sex Scandal
VATICAN CITY - The Vatican remained tight-lipped today following reports that a chorister was fired for allegedly procuring male prostitutes for a papal gentleman-in-waiting.
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Mar 8, 2010, 16:36
Chilean President Blames Pat Robertson for Earthquake's Effects
CONCEPCION - Chilean President Michelle Bachelet told a group of displaced persons cooking rodents around an open fire yesterday that televangelist Pat Robertson is responsible for the despair and lawlessness currently sweeping their country.
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Mar 1, 2010, 11:26
God Announces Recall of Entire Human Race
MORGANTON, W.V. - In what business analysts are calling a move unprecedented in the history of manufacturing, God announced yesterday the immediate recall of all currently functioning human beings. The action came after centuries of complaints to God by human beings who have long contended that something was seriously wrong with the human race.
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Oct 24, 2009, 08:51
Yin and Yang Seek Divorce, Citing Irreconcilable Differences
LAS VEGAS -- Yin and Yang, one of the world's most beloved and recognizable couples, has filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences as the reason for their split.
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Mar 5, 2009, 09:44
Paul McCartney, Iraq War, Mystery Sculpture Top News Headlines
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Paul McCartney is rid of Heather Mills and $49.8 million; the War in Iraq is five years old and isn't toilet trained yet; the Houston Rockets winning streak blew up in their hands; but the big news today is the appearance of a mystery sculpture on the Postcards from the Pug Bus compound near West Chester, Pennsylvania.
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Mar 19, 2008, 17:19
Musharraf Denies Bhutto Was Assassinated
ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf maintained today that political rival Benazir Bhutto did not die a martyr's death at an assassin's hand. She died, instead, from massive trauma after banging her head on the sun roof of her car when she attempted to stand up before opening the roof.
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Jan 4, 2008, 09:32
Paul McCartney Drops Boob Visitation Request
LONDON - Paul McCartney is so keen to be shed of Heather Mills that he has dropped his request for joint custodial oversight of Ms. Mills' breasts and a generous, unsupervised visitation schedule.
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Oct 22, 2007, 14:32
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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
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The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die
1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
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