Your Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
Follow the Pug Bus on Twitter—or else.
 Strike a blow for freedom. Download music today.
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AARP Endorses iPad Betty White Model for Sexting Seniors
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Apple and the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) have joined forces in order to fill a niche in the ever-competitive cell phone market: the growing popularity of sexting among senior citizens.
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Mar 14, 2010, 11:30
Corey Haim or Corey Feldman Found Dead of Drug Overdose
HOLLYWOOD - Actor Corey Haim, 38, or actor Corey Feldman, 38, was pronounced dead at Providence Saint Joseph Medical Center in Burbank, California, Wednesday morning after an apparent overdose. This according to a police spokesman.
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Mar 10, 2010, 10:00
Kirstie Alley Pimps Organic Scientology Diet on Oprah
HOLLYWOOD - Professional fat woman Kirstie Alley has emerged from the den where she hibernates with her bratwurst during the winter. Ms. Alley hauled her sagging, cellulite-ridden, 230-pound ass onto the Oprah show last week to pimp her newest weight-loss program: Organic Liaison.
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Feb 28, 2010, 11:04
Michelle Obama Taps Barbie Doll for Anti-Obesity Campaign
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Barbie doll turns fifty-one today, and First Lady Michelle Obama noted the occasion by announcing that Barbie would serve as the official spokesperson for the White House's anti-childhood-obesity campaign.
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Feb 12, 2010, 11:09
Food Network Announces Iron Chef Cannibalism Series
NEW YORK - Despite the success of the The Next Iron Chef last year, the Food Network is in danger of being pushed to near-campy irrelevance—the worst kind of irrelevance there is— by the Travel Channel's No Reservations, Bizarre Foods, and Man v. Food.
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Jan 31, 2010, 17:17
Pat Robertson Egged On by Anderson Cooper's Haitian "Miracle"
PORT AU PRINCE - Much to the horror of television evangelist Pat Robertson, the overwhelming majority of monetary donations to Haiti’s earthquake victims has been sent by gay men from across the U.S. and Canada—a trend that has Red Cross officials completely baffled, and Robertson seeing red.
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Jan 27, 2010, 12:09
SpaghettiOs® Creator, Donald Goerke, Chokes to Death, Uh-Oh
CAMDEN, N.J. - Donald Goerke, the man who put the "Oh" in SpaghettiOs®, choked to death Sunday night while eating his customary bedtime snack of SpaghettiOs® and chocolate milk. He was eighty-three
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Jan 14, 2010, 16:07
Singles Kicked Off BeautifulPeople.com Launch PrettyFaces.com
BOSTON, Mass. - Singles kicked off the elite dating site BeautifulPeople.com, the self-proclaimed "sexiest website in the world today," are not taking their dismissal lying down. Many of the 5,000 people who were ruled off the site for porking up over the holidays are launching a new dating site called PrettyFaces.com.
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Jan 7, 2010, 10:55
There's Trouble in The Dog Whisperer's Paradise
LOS ANGELES, Calif. - Who doesn't love Cesar Millan? The munchkin figure, the sun-god smile, the cute, spikey hair, those preternaturally white teeth, that funny ogg-sent. He trains people; he rehabilitates dogs; he's stinking rich; he's the dog whisperer. Who doesn't love him?
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Jan 5, 2010, 13:18
Tips for Improving Your Karma in 2010
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Contrary to popular opinion—and to the creators of My Name Is Earl—karma is not about payback, nor is it about living right so you don't come back as a port-o-potty in the next life, and it sure as hell ain’t about some Great Score Keeper in the sky.
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Dec 31, 2009, 14:49
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