Your Seldom Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
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The Grammar Prick
 Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
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Postcards the Book
 The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters: 1 2
Free the Music
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Beloved Fashion Icon Muammar el-Qaddafi Slain
MISURATA, Libya - From Milan to Miami, from Moscow to Macao, Hermes scarves are flying at half mast in memory of trend-setting fashion icon Muammar el-Qaddafi. The beloved haute couture trailblazer was slain yesterday in his hometown of Surt. He was sixty-nine, but in his heart he was still the twenty-seven-year-old stud muffin who took over the reins of fashion in Libya in 1969.
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Oct 21, 2011, 12:48
Danica Patrick Wins at Daytona
DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. - Danica Patrick, racing's most successful female driver, made history again yesterday by capturing another best-opposite-sex trophy, this time at the Daytona International Speedway. Ms. Patrick, whom many people know only as a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, finished sixth overall at the Lucas Oil Slick Mist 200 Daytona race.
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Feb 7, 2010, 11:38
Paris Hilton Rocks the Court in Soft New Look
LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton was back in court yesterday, rocking a new look that promises to be the rage in Hollywood and all points trendy quicker than you can say "Rachel Zoe."
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Jun 9, 2007, 09:48
Keith Richards Praises Hair Club for Men at Pirates Premiere
ANAHEIM, Calif. - Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards showed up last night for the world premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, but all he wanted to talk about was the Hair Club for Men.
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May 21, 2007, 12:11
Astronaut Lisa Nowak Boosts Depends Sales | Medifast Coupons
HOUSTON - Although charges of attempted kidnapping and murder have just been brought against astronaut Lisa Nowak as a result of her bizarre attack on a co-worker's girlfriend, there is a no reason to fear that Nowak is all wet.
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Feb 8, 2007, 13:31
Naomi Campbell Sentenced to Tour of Beauty
NEW YORK - After Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty this week to reckless assault in the third degree for injuring a former maid during an outburst of cell phone rage, it looked like bright orange jumpsuits and ankle bracelets where going to be all the rage come spring.
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Jan 19, 2007, 08:21
Charlton Heston Follows Indiana Jones and Rocky in Sequel
HOLLYWOOD - Look out Indiana Jones, better duck Rocky Balboa, time to Die Hard Bruce Willis. There's another Hollywood hero ready to break out of retirement and relive those glory days.
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Jan 5, 2007, 11:24
Donald Trump, Rosie O'Donnell Agree to Sit and Spin
NEW YORK - Just when there appeared to be no foreseeable let up in the Donald Trump-Rosie O'Donnell feuding frenzy, came a Christmas miracle shocker: the announcement that the terrible twosome would soon be staring in their own NBC sitcom.
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Dec 25, 2006, 07:57
Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn Blame Breakup on Name Calling
MALIBU - It's official. Despite months of speculation, a denial from Jennifer Aniston on Oprah, and a tabloid-suing Vince Vaughn, friends of The Break-Up duo insist that this twosome is irretrievably broken.
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Oct 24, 2006, 08:19
Katie Holmes Crazy Over Wedding Dress
LOS ANGELES - Listen up Katie Holmes fans, here's the inside gossip about Katie's wedding dress details. Take a look when you've finished your game at foxybingo.com or whatever you are doing online. What do you think? Has she gone a little crazy?
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Oct 23, 2006, 06:07
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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
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The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die
1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
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