Richard Jefferson Surprised to Learn That the Dallas Mavericks Have Retired His Number
Former NBA star and current basketball analyst Richard Jefferson said he was "surprised and humbled" to learn that no one will ever wear number 24 for the Dallas Mavericks again. Jefferson, who played one season for the Mavericks (2014-15), was the last of five Mavericks to wear that number. The penultimate #24 was Pavel Podkolzin (2005-06).
Jan 28, 2020 - 7:44
Washington Redskins Change Name, Keep Logo
WASHINGTON, D.C.–Washington Redskins owner, Daniel Snyder, says he is ready to "bury the hatchet" with critics who object to his team's nickname because they consider it racist. After being urged by everyone from Bob Costas (L-NBC) to Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.), who has claimed to be part Native American, Mr. Snyder is ready to "smoke the peace pipe" with those who have asked him to change the Redskins name. Therefore, beginning with the 2020-21 National Football League (NFL) season, the Redskins will be known as the Washington Tomahawks.
Oct 29, 2019 - 8:17
God Drops Carson Wentz from Fantasy Team
WILMINGTON, De.–The Lord God Almighty is more than a little miffed by Carson Wentz' three-pick performance in the Eagles 48-7 loss to the New Orleans Saints yesterday. Immediately following the game, the Lord placed Wentz on waivers.
Nov 19, 2018 - 11:45
BLM Threatens to Disrupt Giants-Lions Game This Sunday
NEW YORK—Black Lives Matter (BLM) has demanded that New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning apologize to Dallas Cowboys black quarterback Dak Prescott for “disrespecting the brother” following the Giants 10-7 home victory over the Cowboys last Sunday. It’s difficult to imagine Eli Manning “disrespecting” anyone, apart from the New England Patriots in two Super Bowls. Mr. Manning is perhaps the most polite, deferential, non-toxically masculine athlete in any sport. Not to put too racial a point on things, there was certainly enough of that going around this election season, but Mr. Manning could not be more white if he glowed in the dark
Dec 13, 2016 - 10:06
NBA To Offer Autistic-Only Bathrooms for 2017 All-Star Game
NEW YORK—The National Basketball Association (NBA), bowing to pressure from the radical autism-rights group Autism Speaks, has promised to install "a prorated number" of autism-friendly restrooms at next year's all star game, "no matter where it's ultimately played." The league is already under pressure from LGBTQWERTY groups, who want the game moved from Charlotte, North Carolina, because that state recently passed a bill requiring men to pee in "The Gents" and women to pee in "The Ladies."
Apr 16, 2016 - 8:26
Coldplay Criticized for Lily White Super Bowl Message
NEW YORK—British superstars Coldplay may have graciously yielded the stage at the Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show to Bruno Mars and Beyonce Knowles, but Coldplay’s passive-aggressive civility did not fool all the people even some of the time.
Feb 9, 2016 - 12:05
Charlotte Rampling Says Fuss Over Cam Newton
Is Racist to White QBs
CANCUN—Oscar nominee Charlotte Rampling said yesterday that “all this codswallop” about Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton, who is African American, "is racist to white quarterbacks."
Feb 3, 2016 - 3:58
Mike Ditka Is the New Face of Lane Bryant
CHICAGO—In a move certain to raise eyebrows if not hem lines, Lane Bryant is set to introduce former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka as the new face of plus-size women’s clothing at a press conference tomorrow. Although Lane Bryant CEO Charles McKee would neither confirm nor deny the report, a source close to Coach Ditka told the Pug Bus, “Mike has always been fond of a little cross dressing. He coached the entire 1985 season wearing a sports bra.”
Jan 25, 2016 - 9:04
President Obama Defends Al Jazeera Sports
WASHINGTON, D..C.—President Barack Hussein Obama endorsed Al Jazeera’s “socially aware sports coverage” and hinted that “folks who cross the line” in their attacks on this “grand news organization” may be guilty of hate speech. There is, the president concluded, "no greater problem threatening our nation today than hate speech."
Jan 7, 2016 - 2:16
NFL to Install 200 Gender-Appropriate Bathrooms for Super Bowl LI
HOUSTON–The National Football League promises that Super Bowl LI, scheduled to be played in Houston on February 5, 2017, will be “the most all-inclusive, welcoming, and gender-affirmative Super Bowl in history.” The foundation of all that welcoming and affirmation will be two hundred “special bowls,” the centerpieces of new gender-appropriate rest rooms to be installed at league expense in Houston’s NRG stadium.
Nov 6, 2015 - 8:17