postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.

        The NBA Can Go Fuck Itself
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  If I ever watch another minute of another NBA game, I hope the god that I don't believe in strikes me dead nine ways to Sunday. I'm seeking a their-fault divorce. I have canceled my subscription to the all-you-can-watch NBA League Pass. This interracial marriage cannot be saved.
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        Richard Jefferson Surprised to Learn That the Dallas Mavericks Have Retired His Number
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  Former NBA star and current basketball analyst Richard Jefferson said he was "surprised and humbled" to learn that no one will ever wear number 24 for the Dallas Mavericks again. Jefferson, who played one season for the Mavericks (2014-15), was the last of five Mavericks to wear that number. The penultimate #24 was Pavel Podkolzin (2005-06).
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        Washington Redskins Change Name, Keep Logo
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  Washington Redskins owner, Daniel Snyder, says he is ready to "bury the hatchet" with critics who object to his team's nickname because they consider it racist. After being urged by everyone from Bob Costas (L-NBC) to Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.), who has claimed to be part Native American, Mr. Snyder is ready to "smoke the peace pipe" with those who have asked him to change the Redskins name. Therefore, beginning with the 2020-21 National Football League (NFL) season, the Redskins will be known as the Washington Tomahawks.
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        God Drops Carson Wentz from Fantasy Team
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  The Lord God Almighty is more than a little miffed by Carson Wentz' three-pick performance in the Eagles 48-7 loss to the New Orleans Saints yesterday. Immediately following the game, the Lord placed Wentz on waivers. "Opey went up in flames like Joan of Arc," said the Lord. "Three interceptions! He should spend more time on the play book and less time on his prayer book. Remember, the Lord helps those who help themselves."
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        BLM Threatens to Disrupt Giants-Lions Game This Sunday
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  Black Lives Matter (BLM) has demanded that New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning apologize to Dallas Cowboys black quarterback Dak Prescott for “disrespecting the brother” following the Giants 10-7 home victory over the Cowboys last Sunday. It’s difficult to imagine Eli Manning “disrespecting” anyone, apart from the New England Patriots in two Super Bowls. Mr. Manning is perhaps the most polite, deferential, non-toxically masculine athlete in any sport. Not to put too racial a point on things, there was certainly enough of that going around this election season, but Mr. Manning could not be more white if he glowed in the dark
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        NBA To Offer Autistic-Only Bathrooms for 2017 All-Star Game
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  The National Basketball Association (NBA), bowing to pressure from the radical autism-rights group Autism Speaks, has promised to install "a prorated number" of autism-friendly restrooms at next year's all star game, "no matter where it's ultimately played." The league is already under pressure from LGBTQWERTY groups, who want the game moved from Charlotte, North Carolina, because that state recently passed a bill requiring men to pee in "The Gents" and women to pee in "The Ladies."
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        Coldplay Criticized for Lily White Super Bowl Message
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  British superstars Coldplay may have graciously yielded the stage at the Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show to Bruno Mars and Beyonce Knowles, but Coldplay’s passive-aggressive civility did not fool all the people even some of the time. “Sure, they let Bey have a few moments on ‘their’ stage,” said Spike Lee, “but like the old slave masters, they kept her on a short chain, wouldn’t even allow her to finish her last song.”
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        Charlotte Rampling Says Fuss Over Cam Newton
Is Racist to White QBs

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  Oscar nominee Charlotte Rampling said yesterday that “all this codswallop” about Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton, who is African American, "is racist to white quarterbacks." Speaking on Telemundo’s “Centro de Deportes” in fluent Spanish, Ms. Rampling, 69, observed, “To my knowledge there have been only two black quarterbacks to win the Super Bowl. Doug Williams in 1987 and Russell Wilson in 2014."

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        Mike Ditka Is the New Face of Lane Bryant
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  In a move certain to raise eyebrows if not hem lines, Lane Bryant is set to introduce former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka as the new face of plus-size women’s clothing at a press conference tomorrow. Although Lane Bryant CEO Charles McKee would neither confirm nor deny the report, a source close to Coach Ditka told the Pug Bus, “Mike has always been fond of a little cross dressing. He coached the entire 1985 season wearing a sports bra.”
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        President Obama Defends Al Jazeera Sports
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  President Barack Hussein Obama endorsed Al Jazeera’s “socially aware sports coverage” and hinted that “folks who cross the line” in their attacks on this “grand news organization” may be guilty of hate speech. There is, the president concluded, "no greater problem threatening our nation today than hate speech."

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        NFL to Install 200 Gender-Appropriate Bathrooms for Super Bowl LI
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  The National Football League promises that Super Bowl LI, scheduled to be played in Houston on February 5, 2017, will be “the most all-inclusive, welcoming, and gender-affirmative Super Bowl in history.” The foundation of all that welcoming and affirmation will be two hundred “special bowls,” the centerpieces of new gender-appropriate rest rooms to be installed at league expense in Houston’s NRG stadium.
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        Tom Brady's Head Deflates at Press Conference
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  As Tom Brady denied any wrongdoing in the illegal deflation of the footballs used by his New England Patriots in the first half of their 45-7 beat down of the Indianapolis Colts last Sunday, reporters at Mr. Brady's press conference began to murmur among themselves uneasily.
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© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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