The Daily Horoscope
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 Now is the time to spread your wings, to wax extravagant, to wax that excess body hair, to use the high-price spread and the extra-wide spreader. Don't settle for mushrooms when truffles are available. Be bold, defy convention, defy the odds. Do not, however, attempt to defy gravity. She's not in a pleasant mood this time of year, and she's cranky in anticipation of the demands of increased holiday travel. If you keep it low and slow, you'll rise to new heights.
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Recent Klaus Harmony Sightings Fuel Speculation
LONDON, ENGLAND - What is it about a dead genius which attracts such frenzied speculation? Examine the myths surrounding any icon and a conspiracy theory is never far away. Never was this more true than in the case of Klaus Harmony, the German maestro of erotik cinema or, as he is more popularly known, the “Mozart of Porn.”
More.
Mar 17, 2008, 10:45
Sting Involved in Bogus Klaus Harmony Claim
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – A unidentified homeless man has been arrested in Los Angeles after claiming to be Klaus Harmony, the “Mozart of Porn.” Harmony, the German composer of several 1970s and ‘80s erotic film scores, including the lesser known 1977 classic, “The Ladies Man,” was thought to have been killed in a London explosion in 1984.
More.
Jun 2, 2007, 13:32
Sting, Police Clash over Klaus Harmony Songs
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Sting and his band mates in The Police have clashed angrily over the presentation of a pair of Klaus Harmony songs on the band's upcoming tour, scheduled to begin here on May 28 if attorneys for band members are able to sort out their clients' differences by then.
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May 12, 2007, 11:14
Angelina Jolie Accepts Oscar for Klaus Harmony
LOS ANGELES - Angelina Jolie lent a much needed touch of spice to last night's Oscar awards snooze fest. The thirty-one-year-old Tomb Raider star brought the audience out of its slumber when she appeared late in the proceedings via satellite to accept a lifetime achievement award for Klaus Harmony, the legendary erotic film score composer known as "the Mozart of Porn."
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Feb 26, 2007, 11:22
Giuliani, Clinton, Shetty, Goody Clash over Klaus Harmony Fragrance
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - When it was first released in 1978, Orgust, the signature fragrance by porn film-score composer, Klaus Harmony, failed to achieve widespread success.
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Feb 10, 2007, 22:51
Madonna, Brad Pitt Appearance in Porn Composer's Biopic Delayed
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – Shooting of a biopic of the life of porn movie composer Klaus Harmony, said to be starring Madonna, Brad Pitt, John Cusack, and Anthony Hopkins, has been postponed. The movie, A Touch of Klaus, was scheduled to begin shooting in Utrecht in the spring with veteran British director Ken Russell behind the lens.
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Jan 10, 2007, 06:26
Britney Spears Has Klaus Harmony on Her iPod
LOS ANGELES - If Britney Spears' finds her way back to the top of the pop music heap, she can thank Klaus Harmony, a German musician, for giving her a leg up. Known as the Mozart of Porn, Mr. Harmony was a pop star and celebrated composer of scores for erotic films who died mysteriously in London in 1984 at the age of forty-three.
More.
Jan 6, 2007, 03:31
Klaus Harmony, "Mozart of Porn," in Bible Uproar
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – The American parents' association UCPA have added supplementary material to their petition to ban a website selling the music of Klaus Harmony, the composer known as the "Mozart of Porn."
More.
Dec 29, 2006, 22:56
American PTA Seeks Ban on 1970s Porn Music Composer
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Angry American parents of high school, and some middle-school, students hope to take a 10-million-name petition to the United States Congress in an attempt to ban a music download website which sells the music of the iconic German porn composer, Klaus Harmony.
More.
Dec 26, 2006, 12:01
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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
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