Your Seldom Daily Horoscope
Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
Visit The Grammar Prick
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Free the Music
Strike a blow for freedom.
Download music today.
You can't beat the price.
Get the skinny at Zeropaid.
Rosetta Stone Introduces Pig Latin Instructional Program
ARLINGTON, Vir. - Rosetta Stone®, the world's leading, computer-based, language-instruction company, released its Pig Latin package today. The ten-volume set is designed for business persons, government employees, fugitives, and tourists who plan to spend time in any country where Pig Latin is not the dominant language.
Nov 1, 2011, 16:02
Apple Fans Scurry to Parse Steve Jobs's Final Words
PALO ALTO, Calif. - Apple watchers have begun what could be a long and winding effort to interpret the final words of Steve Jobs, who died of pancreatic cancer on October 5. Just before his death Mr. Jobs uttered the words that have sparked an interpretive frenzy, "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow."
Oct 31, 2011, 09:37
AVMA Promotes Medical Marijuana for Pets
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. - According to the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA), nearly 52 percent of the students who graduate from veterinary schools in 2011 will earn less than $39,000 in their first full year of employment. The AVMA would like to see that figure grow, and it thinks it has the fertilizer for the job: legalization of medical marijuana for pets.
Oct 27, 2011, 17:07
Apple Introduces Fecal Finder App
CUPERTINO, Calif. - Apple interrupted it's forty-days-and-forty-nights celebration of the genius that was Steve Jobs to announce its latest rollout: the Fecal Finder app. The new app—which will be available for iPads, iPods,and iPhones—is expected to be ready for downloading by the end of this month.
Oct 18, 2011, 10:35
Trey Anastasio App Pulled by Google, Phish Fans Bummed
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. - In a move that is certain to harsh the mellows of thousands of Phish fans, Google announced late yesterday that it has cancelled the release of the greatly anticipated Trey Anastasio app, which had been scheduled for release at 4:20 a.m. today, the singer's forty-seventh birthday.
Sep 30, 2011, 11:13
Toyota Recalling 250,000 Owners in the United States
NEW YORK - Concerned about the increasing rate of "irresponsible, negligent, and thoughtless behavior" exhibited by too many drivers, Toyota announced today that it is recalling 250,000 U.S. owners of RAV4, Corolla, Matrix, Avalon, Camry, Highlander, and Tundra models.
Feb 5, 2010, 10:16
Al Gore Claims Credit for Inventing the Toilet Cam
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Former vice president Al Gore will tell the American Library Association's (ALA) midwinter meeting in Boston next week that he invented the toilet cam.
Jan 8, 2010, 12:21
Scientists Clone Monkey from Courtney Love Cells
PORTLAND, Ore. - Researchers at Oregon Health and Science University have manipulated the DNA of skin cells obtained from Courtney Love to create monkey embryos from which stem cells were extracted three days later.
Nov 13, 2009, 10:48
Prostate Cancer Seen As Major Cause of Prostate Cancer Deaths
LONDON - A study has determined that men who are diagnosed with prostate cancer are nearly twenty-five times as likely to die from the disease as men who are prostate-cancer free. This conclusion was reached after a team of researchers had carefully recorded the causes of death of more than 300,000 men.
Oct 30, 2009, 09:22
Web Founder, Tim Berners-Lee, Finally Admits He Misspelled Worldwide
GENEVA - Tim Berners-Lee, the father of the world wide web, finally has admitted that he misspelling "worldwide" when he created the web twenty years ago.
Mar 15, 2009, 08:28
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The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die
3. Seat Belts
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
10. Going to Bed Early.