Your Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
Follow the Pug Bus on Twitter—or else.
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President Obama Set to Renew Inaugural Vow
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to revive his flagging presidency, Barack Obama plans to renew his oath of office in a special bipartisan ceremony to be held at the Washington Monument early this spring.
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Feb 26, 2010, 16:57
Patrick Kennedy Retires to Spend More Time on Facebook
PROVIDENCE, R.I. - Patrick Joseph Kennedy II, who has represented Rhode Island's 1st congressional district since 1995, announced earlier this week that he would not seek reelection. Mr. Kennedy, 42, has wrestled with alcoholism, bipolar disorder, and drug abuse, both recreational and prescription, since his student days at Rhode Island Community College.
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Feb 13, 2010, 10:38
Dick Cheney Blasts Americans for Letting Terrorists Win
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Former Vice President Dick Cheney blamed Americans yesterday for "being in bed with" terrorists. "The people of this nation are as much to blame as their pusillanimous, light-skinned president for delivering the head of democracy to the terrorists on a silver platter," said Mr. Cheney when he appeared before the steering committee of the American Tea Party.
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Jan 10, 2010, 11:46
Obama Vows to Investigate Alarming Rise in GPS Malfunctions
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Dec 29, 2009, 07:57
President Obama Vows to Take On Gravity Shortfall
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama warned yesterday that the United States faces “a critical shortfall of gravity” brought on by the failed gravitational policies of the past.
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Feb 17, 2009, 18:26
Obama to Name William Ayers Secretary of Education
CHICAGO, Ill. – President elect Barack Obama is expected to name Chicago educator William Ayers to the post of secretary of education.
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Nov 6, 2008, 16:46
Eliot Spitzer’s Wife Had Him by the Junk
NEW YORK – Former New York governor Eliot Spitzer is said to be responding well to the genital reconstructive surgery he underwent following his admission two weeks ago that he had consorted with high-dollar prostitutes.
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Mar 26, 2008, 09:07
Britney Spears Not Working, Hillary Clinton Calls for Withdrawal
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Britney Spears is not working, says Democratic presidential frontrunner, Hillary Clinton, and its time to withdraw support for the fallen pop star, no matter what General David Petraeus says.
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Sep 12, 2007, 11:57
Larry Craig Hires Michael Vick’s Lawyer to Beat Cockfighting Charges
BOISE, Idaho – Embattled Senator Larry Craig (R-Teahouse) has retained Michael Vick’s attorney Billy Martin to represent him in a fight to clear his name and to regain his seat in the Senate.
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Sep 5, 2007, 10:22
Bush Surprised by Visit to Iraq, Thought He Was in Texas
AL-ASAD AIR BASE, Iraq - President Bush made a surprise visit to the Al Asad Air Base in the Anbar province of Iraq Monday morning.
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Sep 3, 2007, 13:26
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