Your Daily Horoscope
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You will have a strange dream in which you see a giant field of sunflowers in the distance. As you race toward the field in slow motion, you begin to hear a sound coming from the sunflowers. When you reach the field, you discover that the sunflowers have the faces of The Village People, and they're singing "YMCA."
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President Obama Set to Renew Inaugural Vow
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to revive his flagging presidency, Barack Obama plans to renew his oath of office in a special bipartisan ceremony to be held at the Washington Monument early this spring.
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Feb 26, 2010, 16:57


Patrick Kennedy Retires to Spend More Time on Facebook
PROVIDENCE, R.I. - Patrick Joseph Kennedy II, who has represented Rhode Island's 1st congressional district since 1995, announced earlier this week that he would not seek reelection. Mr. Kennedy, 42, has wrestled with alcoholism, bipolar disorder, and drug abuse, both recreational and prescription, since his student days at Rhode Island Community College.
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Feb 13, 2010, 10:38


Dick Cheney Blasts Americans for Letting Terrorists Win
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Former Vice President Dick Cheney blamed Americans yesterday for "being in bed with" terrorists. "The people of this nation are as much to blame as their pusillanimous, light-skinned president for delivering the head of democracy to the terrorists on a silver platter," said Mr. Cheney when he appeared before the steering committee of the American Tea Party.
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Jan 10, 2010, 11:46


Obama Vows to Investigate Alarming Rise in GPS Malfunctions
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama announced yesterday that he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to investigate an alarming rise in GPS malfunctions. Although he stopped short of suggesting a link between terrorists and the rash of travelers who wound up as many as five hundred miles off course after following aggressive GPS instructions, the president said that such incidents could undermine America’s recovery.
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Dec 29, 2009, 07:57


President Obama Vows to Take On Gravity Shortfall
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama warned yesterday that the United States faces “a critical shortfall of gravity” brought on by the failed gravitational policies of the past.
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Feb 17, 2009, 18:26


Obama to Name William Ayers Secretary of Education
CHICAGO, Ill. – President elect Barack Obama is expected to name Chicago educator William Ayers to the post of secretary of education.
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Nov 6, 2008, 16:46


Eliot Spitzer’s Wife Had Him by the Junk
NEW YORK – Former New York governor Eliot Spitzer is said to be responding well to the genital reconstructive surgery he underwent following his admission two weeks ago that he had consorted with high-dollar prostitutes.
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Mar 26, 2008, 09:07


Ann Coulter, Bill Maher Sex Video Leaked on Web
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Political commentator and steamy, right-wing sex goddess Ann Coulter has never been loath to use her sexuality or her tongue to sell books.
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Oct 13, 2007, 13:33


Britney Spears Not Working, Hillary Clinton Calls for Withdrawal
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Britney Spears is not working, says Democratic presidential frontrunner, Hillary Clinton, and its time to withdraw support for the fallen pop star, no matter what General David Petraeus says.
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Sep 12, 2007, 11:57


Larry Craig Hires Michael Vick’s Lawyer to Beat Cockfighting Charges
BOISE, Idaho – Embattled Senator Larry Craig (R-Teahouse) has retained Michael Vick’s attorney Billy Martin to represent him in a fight to clear his name and to regain his seat in the Senate.
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Sep 5, 2007, 10:22



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