Your Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
Follow the Pug Bus on Twitter—or else.
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E-Trade Sues Lindsay Lohan for Damages
NEW YORK - E-Trade has filed a countersuit against Lindsay Lohan, seeking $100 million in damages for what it calls "malicious and damaging association." The suit, filed yesterday in a Manhattan court, charges that the former actress and singer did irreversable damage to E-Trade's reputation by claiming that the "milkaholic" baby named Lindsay in a recent E-Trade commercial is based on Ms. Lohan.
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Mar 11, 2010, 07:13
Jennifer Aniston's Retarded Names for Her New Fragrance
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Jennifer Aniston will launch her first branded perfume any second now. The super scent has been nearly two years in the making. Countless beavers, deer, and sperm whales have been sacrificed for the cause. Acres of parsely, sage, rosemary, and thyme have been harvested, crushed, and boiled in a huge cauldron. The only ingredient missing is a name.
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Mar 7, 2010, 12:39
Kevin Smith Made to Purchase Two Seats at Sushi Bar
LOS ANGELES - The next time Kevin Smith visits If It Smells Like Fish, his favorite sushi bar in L.A., he will have to purchase two seats. According to a source close to Mr. Smith—or as close to him as one can get—Benny Hanna, manager of the popular eatery, informed the mountainous director of the decision by e-mail yesterday
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Feb 17, 2010, 09:08
The Real Reason Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend Split
LOS ANGELES - Nearly four years ago Charlize Theron told members of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) that she would not get married until gay marriage is legal in the United States.
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Feb 11, 2010, 09:46
Charlie Sheen Questioned about His Missing Mercedes
LOS ANGELES - Actor Charlie Sheen is "a person of interest" in the brutal attack on his Mercedes-Benz, according to Los Angeles police. The 2009 Mercedes, a four-door black sedan, was found on its roof at the bottom of a four-hundred-foot ravine near Mr. Sheen's Hollywood home yesterday afternoon.
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Feb 6, 2010, 10:21
Angelina Jolie Taking Toll on Brad Pitt
LOS ANGELES - Brad Pitt's friends are worried that his relationship with Angelina Jolie is taking a fearsome toll on the once boyishly handsome actor. They claim that Mr. Pitt, who looked forty-one going on twenty-nine when he left Jennifer Aniston five years ago, now looks every minute of his forty-six years and then some.
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Feb 3, 2010, 09:49
Tila Tequila Shuts Down Her Twitter Account
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. - Reality television star Tila Tequila has canceled her Twitter account after telling her 309,980 followers that "Twitter is full of nothing but the most hateful devil worshippers, terrorists, racists, and fat people that I have ever seen! Twitter is bad. My true fans know where to find me."
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Feb 2, 2010, 13:17
Jennifer Lopez Starts Pet Advice Column
LOS ANGELES - Jennifer Lopez' introduction of a high-end line of designer accessories for pets demonstrated her commitment to the animal-welfare movement. That concern is further demonstrated by Lopez' newest animal-related enterprise—an advice column for pets. The column, entitled "Jennifer Lopez on All Fours," will debut in the November issues of Dog Fancy and Cat Fancy magazines.
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Nov 1, 2009, 22:43
Paul McCartney Has Sticker Shock Following Divorce
LONDON - Friends of ex-Beatle Paul McCartney, 65, report that he is “near suicidal” over the terms of his divorce settlement with former wife number two, Heather Mills, 40.
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Mar 19, 2008, 08:35
Britney Spears Released from Hospital After Son Takes Her Hostage
LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears was released from the hospital Saturday, a little more than twenty-four hours after being admitted. The beloved pop star had been rushed to Cedars Sinai Medical Center following a tense night in which she had been held hostage in her home by her football-headed son, Jayden James.
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Jan 6, 2008, 09:35
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