Your Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
Follow the Pug Bus on Twitter—or else.
|
 |
|
Jennifer Aniston's Retarded Names for Her New Fragrance
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Jennifer Aniston will launch her first branded perfume any second now. The super scent has been nearly two years in the making. Countless beavers, deer, and sperm whales have been sacrificed for the cause. Acres of parsely, sage, rosemary, and thyme have been harvested, crushed, and boiled in a huge cauldron. The only ingredient missing is a name.
More.
Mar 7, 2010, 12:39
Boy George Accused of Foolish Imprisonment
LONDON – Pop swinger Boy George was charged with foolish imprisonment, careless whispers, and reckless misapplication of foodstuffs today. The legal action was brought as a result of a complaint lodged against Mr. George by a midget from The Long and Short of It, a male escort service popular with London hipsters and members of the royal family.
More.
Nov 13, 2007, 13:25
Ellen DeGeneres Fears Iggy Will Go to Michael Vick
LOS ANGELES – A tearful Ellen DeGeneres told E! News' Ryan Seacrest yesterday that she fears Iggy, the puppy she adopted and then gave away to her hairdresser two weeks later, would be sent to ex-football star Michael Vick “just to punish me.”
More.
Oct 20, 2007, 14:16
George Clooney Health Records Reveal Hemorrhoids, Incontinence
NORTH BERGEN, N.J. – George Clooney’s health records contain some personally embarrassing information, said a hospital health worker who was suspended after taking a secret peek at Mr. Clooney’s private annals.
More.
Oct 11, 2007, 14:29
Victoria Beckham Induces Quarterly Bowel Movement
HOLLYWOOD – Victoria Beckham, the artist formerly known as Posh Spice, finally has produced a bowel movement for the third quarter of 2007, a source close to the seventy-two-pound fashion icon has revealed.
More.
Sep 24, 2007, 08:19
Jennifer Aniston’s New Body Confident with Jennifer Aniston
LOS ANGELES – Jennifer Aniston’s new body is telling friends that it’s confident Ms. Aniston can compete with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie for serious movie roles and magazine covers.
More.
Sep 23, 2007, 09:44
Paris Hilton Snags Larry King Interview for $1.5 Million
LOS ANGELES – Larry King was the surprise winner of the bidding war for the right to conduct Paris Hilton’s initial post-jail interview. The veteran talk show host and natural-supplements advocate will bank $1.5 million in return for devoting his entire show to the “new” Paris Hilton tonight.
More.
Jun 27, 2007, 10:21
Paris Hilton Finds God in Jail, Starts Her Own Hotline
LOS ANGELES – Like many prisoners with time on their hands, Paris Hilton found god in jail. Ms. Hilton, 26, made the lord’s acquaintance in the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood, California, where she served most of a twenty-three day sentence for violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating a motor vehicle with a suspended license.
More.
Jun 26, 2007, 08:25
Paris Hilton’s Medical Condition a Gripping Saga
LOS ANGELES – A mysterious medical condition made Paris Hilton “a danger to herself and to other inmates” at the Century Regional Detention Facility, said Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca, who ordered Ms. Hilton released from jail early yesterday morning after she had served barely three days of a twenty-three-day sentence for violating the conditions of her probation.
More.
Jun 8, 2007, 11:50
Paris Hilton Exclusive Jail Sentence Interview
LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton has been sentenced to forty-five days in a county jail for violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating a motor vehicle with a suspended license.
More.
May 5, 2007, 10:44
|
|
© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of thing seriously.
|
|
|
|
