Your Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 You will have a strange dream in which you see a giant field of sunflowers in the distance. As you race toward the field in slow motion, you begin to hear a sound coming from the sunflowers. When you reach the field, you discover that the sunflowers have the faces of The Village People, and they're singing "YMCA."
 Strike a blow for freedom. Download music today.
|
 |
E-Trade Sues Lindsay Lohan for Damages
NEW YORK - E-Trade has filed a countersuit against Lindsay Lohan, seeking $100 million in damages for what it calls "malicious and damaging association." The suit, filed yesterday in a Manhattan court, charges that the former actress and singer did irreversable damage to E-Trade's reputation by claiming that the "milkaholic" baby named Lindsay in a recent E-Trade commercial is based on Ms. Lohan.
More.
Mar 11, 2010, 07:13
Jennifer Lopez Starts Pet Advice Column
LOS ANGELES - Jennifer Lopez' introduction of a high-end line of designer accessories for pets demonstrated her commitment to the animal-welfare movement. That concern is further demonstrated by Lopez' newest animal-related enterprise—an advice column for pets. The column, entitled "Jennifer Lopez on All Fours," will debut in the November issues of Dog Fancy and Cat Fancy magazines.
More.
Nov 1, 2009, 22:43
Gwyneth Paltrow Sucks in Fellatio, the Lost Shakespeare Comedy
PHILADELPHIA – Gwyneth Paltrow’s halting performance in Fellatio, the Lost Shakespeare Comedy, proves that Aristotle knew what he was talking about when he said, “One swallow does not make a summer.”
More.
Mar 4, 2009, 00:48
Paul McCartney Has Sticker Shock Following Divorce
LONDON - Friends of ex-Beatle Paul McCartney, 65, report that he is “near suicidal” over the terms of his divorce settlement with former wife number two, Heather Mills, 40.
More.
Mar 19, 2008, 08:35
Hayden Panettiere Obsessed with Angelina Jolie
LOS ANGELES - Heroes star Hayden Panettiere, 18, confessed to GQ magazine that she “like totally wishes” she were a lesbian so she could do the reverse horizontal bop with Angelina Jolie.
More.
Nov 27, 2007, 11:07
Lindsay Lohan Narrows College Choices to Harvard or Rochville
OUTBACK, Utah – Recently clean actress Lindsay Lohan has narrowed her college choices to Harvard and Rochville universities, a spokesperson for the I Know Who Killed Me star said yesterday.
More.
Oct 9, 2007, 13:28
Angelina Jolie Losing Body Mass, Cooling Off Significantly
BOSTON - Angelina Jolie is losing mass and cooling off at a significant rate, observers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) report. Their findings, which appear in the current issue of the journal Science, suggest that Ms. Jolie will cease to be a major star if she continues to shrink and to lose temperature at her present pace.
More.
Sep 2, 2007, 10:57
Lindsay Lohan Elle Interview Recalls Happier Times
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – If it’s August, Lindsay Lohan is selling magazines for Elle. For the second August in a row another issue of Elle featuring the fully loaded Herbie star hits the newsstands, but what a difference a year makes.
More.
Aug 7, 2007, 10:10
Lindsay Lohan Innocent of Cocaine Possession Says LAPD
LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan, who was arrested for cocaine possession and driving under the influence of alcohol Tuesday, has been cleared of the cocaine charge, according to a member of the Los Angeles Police Department.
More.
Jul 26, 2007, 11:38
Lindsay Lohan Arrested for DUI Again, Exclusive Timeline
LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI and cocaine possession yesterday, offenses that are, coincidentally, quite similar to the ones that occasioned her surrender to the Beverly Hills police six days ago.
More.
Jul 25, 2007, 09:27
|
© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
|
|
|
|
