The Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Now is the time to spread your wings, to wax extravagant, to wax that excess body hair, to use the high-price spread and the extra-wide spreader. Don't settle for mushrooms when truffles are available. Be bold, defy convention, defy the odds. Do not, however, attempt to defy gravity. She's not in a pleasant mood this time of year, and she's cranky in anticipation of the demands of increased holiday travel. If you keep it low and slow, you'll rise to new heights.
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Britney Spears to Donate Recent Weight Loss to Anorexia Clinics
HOLLYWOOD - Oops, she's done it again. A spokesman for Britney Spears, whose weight loss was revealed by her sizzling gown at last week's Video Music Awards, announced that the singer would be donating her lost pounds "to clinics that specialize in the treatment of anorexia in teenage girls."
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Sep 17, 2008, 08:03
What’s Up Britney Spears’ Ass?
LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears recently enrolled in a six-month trial membership at the Muddy River High Colonic Institute in Beverly Hills.
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Mar 29, 2008, 10:54
Britney Spears Released from Hospital After Son Takes Her Hostage
LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears was released from the hospital Saturday, a little more than twenty-four hours after being admitted. The beloved pop star had been rushed to Cedars Sinai Medical Center following a tense night in which she had been held hostage in her home by her football-headed son, Jayden James.
More.
Jan 6, 2008, 09:35
Britney Spears Is the Antichrist for Real
LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears warned us last year in words as plain as the three 6’s scrawled with a black magic marker on her shaven head: “I am the Antichrist.” As though to underscore her claim, Ms. Spears ran around stark raving naked in rehab, scrawling misspelled obscenities on the walls with her own feces.
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Jan 4, 2008, 16:41
Will Smith Denounced by JDL for Saying Hitler Was Probably Human
LOS ANGELES – Actor, rapper, and Tom Cruise butt buddy Will Smith got royally tarred and feathered by the JDL (Jewish Defense League) for advancing the theory that Adolph Hitler, despite his record, may have been human.
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Dec 26, 2007, 11:00
Jamie Lynn Spears Gets Pregnant as Surrogate for Britney
BUMFUCH, La. – Jamie Lynn Spears, 16, is knocked up higher than her no-account big sister on a three-day, Little Debbies-and-Red Bull binge; yet no one in the Spears family acts as if there’s anything unusual about this event—or about the fact that the putative father of this unfortunate git is nineteen years old.
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Dec 19, 2007, 10:19
Britney Spears Hires Illegal Alien Frappuccino Caddy
MALIBU – Britney Spears has hired a full-time Frappuccino caddy in an effort to convince California child welfare authorities that she is serious about regaining custody of her sons, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1.
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Dec 16, 2007, 13:26
Britney Spears Hires Frappuccino Holder in Custody Ploy
MALIBU – Britney Spears has hired a full-time Frappuccino caddy in an effort to convince California child welfare authorities that she is serious about regaining custody of her sons, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1.
More.
Dec 16, 2007, 13:05
Jessica Sierra Sex Tape Shot in Motel 6, Exclusive
LAKELAND, Fla. - The Jessica Sierra sex tape, about to hit the Internet like a thousand pair of soiled panties flung against a wall, was shot in a Motel 6 in Florida, a source as close as anyone wants to get to the “singer” has revealed.
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Dec 8, 2007, 09:12
Jessica Sierra First American Idol Sex Video Star
LOS ANGELES – Jessica Sierra, who shot to fame as the third contestant eliminated from American Idol 2005, has been a busy little beaver in the meantime.
More.
Dec 7, 2007, 14:22
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