Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate
. Visit The Grammar Prick
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Whoopi Goldberg Is an Ass Hat for Sure
A gay, British, former friend of mine who was active in the animal rights movement ... and, some whispered, active in the animal rights "underground" too... hated Whoopi Goldberg. Absolutely hated, despised, shat-upon-and-spat-upon hatred. Hated her so much that he stooped to hurling an ethnic slur at her. Yep. He called her "white trash."
Huffington Post Scribbler Sets New Highs for Virtue Signaling
Huffington Post scribbler Cole Delbyck has got himself an ass hat for vowing never to watch Last Tango in Paris again. He put on his big-boy pants and proudly announced his resolve in a mawkish exercise in virtue signaling entitled, “That Famous Rape Scene In ‘Last Tango in Paris’ Was In Fact Not Consensual, Director Says.” In this exercise Mr. Delbyck declares in the first-person pompous, “We’ll never watch this film again.” What a twat. What an ass hat.
Lena Van Haren of Everett Middle School Is Ass Hat of the Week
Just when you think progressives couldn't possibly do anything more batshit than some of the batshit things they've done already, along comes some batshit progressive with her head up her ass crashing headlong into the walls of common sense, decency, right thinking, and civic fucking responsibility. That headless horseperson would be Lena Van Haren, principal at Everett Middle School in San Francisco, proud sanctuary city by the bay.
DeGeneres Wins Asshat Award Again
Ellen DeGeneres, with a face only a lesbian could love, has planted that face, and the head to which it is attached, firmly up her ass again. Miss DeGeneres, a putative vegan, has been outed by several animal-advocacy groups because her new ED lifestyle clothing line is being expanded to accommodate shit like suede Grace ankle boots ($250) and the Patty Point Toe cashmere fuck-me pump ($230). The latter features a leather insole lining.
Oprah Stomps Her Way to This Week's Ass Hat Award
Oprah Winfrey gave away a car on Jimmy Kimmel's show last night in a transparent attempt to deflect attention from her failed transparent attempt to draw attention to her new movie, something or other about some butler. As an exercise in hey-look-at-me tone deafness . . .
Stevie Wonder Wins Trayvon Martin Ass Hat Award
Racial harmony in the United States may not be receding in the rear view mirror of life so much as one might imagine in these post-Trayvon-Martin times.
Taco Bell Wins Asshat Award
We take no pleasure in bestowing this week's asshat award on Taco Bell, which recently bent over frontwards to accommodate a bunch of meddlesome old shits of both sexes at the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI).
Asshats of the Week to Everyone Who Supports Joe Paterno
The Amalgamated Asshat Association will have to step up production this week in order to make enough asshats for all the Joe Paterno enablers who have earned one.
Representative Lamar Smith Is the Ass Hat of the Week
Lamar Smith, chairman of the House of Representatives Judiciary Committee, is the latest winner of the Postcards from the Pug Bug Ass Hat of the Week Award. Mr. Smith (R-Texas) earned this highly influential prize by sponsoring a bill that encapsulates all that is cynical, imperialistic, and reprehensible about the attitudes of too many residents of these self-important United States.
Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts, Hooker-Kid Mom Is Ass Hat of the Week
What sort of dipshit thinks it's "hysterically funny" to dress her three-year-old daughter as a hooker and shove her onstage before a nationwide television audience on something called Toddlers & Tiaras? How fucked in the head, how worthless in your own mind do you have to be to get off on using a little kid like that? You're almost giving pedophilia a good name. We bet there was nary a dry keyboard among the watch-and-wank set that night.
Hillary's Gal Pal Elton Is Ass Hat of the Week
Hillary Clinton's gal pal Elton John is the latest recipient of the Postcards from the Pug Bus Ass Hat of the Week award.
Michael Vick Homies Win Ass Hat of the Week Award
While Michael Vick sits in jail trying to master the intricacies of checkers and the ins and outs of prison dating etiquette, he will surely take comfort in knowing that five of his most loyal homies have won the Ass Hat of the Week Award.
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
The Pug Bus Blogs On
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass
has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story
from time to time.
Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do
know about Schrödinger’s cat
and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards
is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-
You Can't Photoshop This
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.