National Drunks Against Madd Mothers Day℠
James Carville described Pennsylvania as "Philadelphia on one side, Pittsburgh on the other, and Alabama in between.” Living just far enough west of Philadelphia to witness the truth of Mr. Carville's observation, we are not surprised that today is National Drunks Against Mad Mothers Day, sponsored by DAMM Pennsylvania.
Jan 11, 2020 - 7:25
National The First Time Ever Day℠
Most people can recall their first sexual experience, but judging from the responses to the 2020 Postcards from the Pug Bus Sex Survey, not everyone puts a smiley face on that memory. A total of 1,167 people responded to the Pug Bus survey. This penetrating study, the most authoritative of its kind since the Kinsey Report, ripped the covers off startling facts about the first-time sexual experiences of typical Americans.
Jan 10, 2020 - 4:55
National 13 Years Ago on the Pug Bus Day #1℠
If you've been slinging words as long as we have, you believe that you can get away with phoning one in now and then, say, "repurposing" an article that requires minimal editing or, no editing at all, like the following from 01/09/07.
Jan 9, 2020 - 8:00
National Unbaptize the Dead Day℠
We take no small measure of joy in knowing there are people in the world quietly going about undoing the work done by others in god's name. The Universal Brotherhood of the Confrontational Atheist (UBCA) is one such group. We honor them by pausing to observe National Unbaptize the Dead Day.
Jan 8, 2020 - 5:00
National Poisoned Cha-Cha Day℠
Today we celebrate National Poisoned Cha-Cha Day in memory of that time when the war between the sexes took a turn for the grim. No man worth his Bushy Beavers subscription can forget where he was when he learned that a woman in Sao de Jose Rio Preto, Brazil, had tried to kill her husband by putting a poisonous substance in her snatch and then asking him if he fancied a box lunch.
Jan 7, 2020 - 3:50
National Driver Recall Day℠
Concerned about the increasing rate of "irresponsible, negligent, and thoughtless behavior" exhibited by too many drivers, Toyota announced today that it is recalling 250,000 U.S. owners of RAV4, Corolla, Matrix, Avalon, Camry,
Highlander, and Tundra models.
Jan 5, 2020 - 4:38
National AARP Senior Sperm Day℠
The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) will issue a two-finger proclamation sometime today, declaring that (1) January 3 will henceforth and hereinafter be known as National AARP Senior Sperm Day and (2) sperm samples provided by men older than fifty-five will compete in a seniors division in laboratory fertility tests.
|"This is really a cluster fuck."
Jan 3, 2020 - 5:55
National Earworm Day℠
Before we fusilade the fireworks in celebration of National Earworm Day, we must observe that said day is the only national day (so far) to have it own patron saint. That's right all Catholic, Anglican, and Lutheran boys and girls suffering from an earworm, a scrap of a song that gets stuck in a person's head and plays on auto loop for days and days and daze, can find relief by praying to St. Polycarp of Symrna, the patron saint of earworm sufferers.
Jan 2, 2020 - 5:33
National Fake Emotional Support Animal Day℠
Our handicapped fellow citizens are causing problemi again. Not content with sticker-shaming people who use "after-market" handicapped stickers to park in spaces that would otherwise remain empty, the handicapped police are now coming after emotional support animals, without which many people would not be able to fly on airplanes or to eat in restaurants.
Jan 1, 2020 - 6:48
National Penultimate Day℠
Our culture is obsessed with going the extra mile, giving 110 percent, leaving it all on the field. Supermarkets are open 24/7/365 to satisfy our shopping needs from A-to-Z, while athletes routinely crow about taking their games to a whole 'nother level. In the midst of this maelstrom, like the voice of one hand clapping in the wilderness, stands Phil Maggitti, founder and HMFIC of National Penultimate Day℠.
Dec 30, 2019 - 5:36