Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...
The Book of Daze℠
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate
. Visit The Grammar Prick
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
It's the THC, Stupid
The average American pick-up truck has gained 1,142 pounds since 1990. The average American, about the same. The average Phish tune, in concert, added nearly two minutes around its middle, and personal pizzas got 25 percent larger. Go big or go home: The 11th Commandment writ large.
Sir Paul Caught on Video Attempting to Buy Pot
A potentially embarrassing iPhone 10 video in which Paul McCartney is seen attempting to buy marijuana in the rural village of Wingham, Kent, is in the sweaty hands of local authorities. Those of you who haven't vaped your brains out completely yet may recall a typically vain announcement, released nearly four-and-a-half years ago, in which the terminally unhip Mr. McCartney announced that he had quit smoking weed because he didn't want to set a bad example for his children and grandchildren.
Dab Rig Manufacturer Issues Refunds for Kaepernick Model
Rigs-R-Us, the nation's leading manufacturer of "smoking enhancement technology for the socially conscious," offered refunds today to any customers who bought a Colin Kaepernick Puffco Peak dab rig that would not start. The Kaepernick model ($399.99 MSRP), was introduced to coincide with the start of the National Football League season three weeks ago. It has been plagued with issues from the jump.
Walmart Intruduces CBD-Infused Dental Dams
Walmart Inc [NYSE: WMT, 116.92, ▲ 0.90 (0.78%)] announced yesterday that it will begin selling CBD-infused dental dams in all its retail outlets by September 25. The move is seen by industry analysts as an attempt to boost dental dam sales—an attempt, if you will, to encourage Walmart customers to put their money where their mouths are.
High Times Declares Five Cannabis Strains Extinct
High Times magazine estimates that 98 percent of all marijuana strains ever created have gone extinct, and more strains face the danger of extinction each day. Bedhead OG? Available in the northernmost parts of Maine, if you're lucky. Pwr Bttm? Began to disappear right around the time the band did. Zimmerman's Folly? Hasn't been seen since the last time George re-tweeted a photo of the dead Trayvon Martin.
High Times Touts CBD-Infused Maxi Pads
In its September issue, which has been out since mid-June, High Times magazine ran sponsored content pimping CBD oil as a cure for menstrual distress. We generally don't put much stock in sponsored content or on websites that feature it—and we have noticed a determined effort from High Times to court female readers—nevertheless we thought this might be an "amuse bush."
Trump Tweets Support for Medical Marijuana for Pets
President-elect Donald J. Trump announced in a late night tweet that he favors the legalization of medical marijuana for pets as part of his Make America Great Again campaign. “More than 1/2 of 1st-yr vets earn less than 45K/yr … time to legalize medical marijuana for pets.”
Shit We Wish We Had Written
Maintaining a website single-handedly while writing 90 percent of the articles and making the iced coffee can put a serious hurt on a person's couch time, even if he does the whole damn thing on an iPad. Besides, some days a person just can't be arsed with being funny, and if his nom de plumes can't be arsed either, there's a white hole where today's funny ought to be.
AVMA Promotes Medical Marijuana for Pets
According to the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA), nearly 52 percent of the students who graduate from veterinary schools in 2011 will earn less than $39,000 in their first full year of employment. The AVMA would like to see that figure grow, and it thinks it has the fertilizer for the job: legalization of medical marijuana for pets.
AARP Head Announces Support for Legalized Pot
The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) will sponsor a smoke-in to promote the group's campaign to legalize marijuana. The weekend event, called the Great American Pot Luck Festival, will be held at Daytona International Speedway in Florida, July 8-10. Sponsors include Grecian Formula, Cialis, Fixodent, Beano, Depends, and Correctol with Stool Softener.
Mischa Barton Claims She Was Smoking Medical Marijuana
Mischa Barton, arrested early yesterday morning on suspicion of drunk driving, told reporters when she was released from jail later in the day that the weed found in the vehicle she had been driving is medical marijuana.
Willie Nelson Avoids Jail After Policeman Can't Remember Bust
Willie Nelson avoided jail when the policeman who had cited him for possession of marijuana and hallucinogenic mushrooms last September 18 told a judge yesterday that he "had no recollection" of the incident.
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
The Pug Bus Blogs On
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass
has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story
from time to time.
Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do
know about Schrödinger’s cat
and other neat shit."
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards
is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-
You Can't Photoshop This
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.