GanjaScope℠ Is President Trump's Favorite Read
Postcards from the Pug Bus (2PB) has "heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend" that GanjaScope℠ is President Trump's "favorite read." At least that's what friend #1 (initials IT) told 2PB. Friend #2 (initials KC) reports that "Donald has someone read it to him as soon as it's posted." Friend #3 (initials SB, an ex-friend, actually) was ceremoniously dumped by the White House for telling reporters that "the president bases most of his policy decisions on that shit."
We are proud and humbled and slightly tumescent, therefore, to present the latest reiteration of the GanjaScope℠, astrological projections to Make America Great Again.
Oct 31, 2019 - 5:27
Ganjascope℠ Predicts the Death of CBD
Aries (3/21–4/19): No matter how embarrassed you are by keyboard plaque, do not attempt to remove it with your dab rig torch. CBD tincture is more holistic and effective. Be sure to back up all your files and to close all applications before cleaning. Organic, free-range, chelated CBD tincture works best in northern climates. CBD aerosol spray works better in the South.
Taurus (4/20–5/20): There's a tarot card reader in your future—one who foretells the present. She will inform you that presently you are in Cancun, where you have been chosen grand marshall of the nudist colony’s Haloween Parade. As you can’t be in two places at once, you won’t have to pay her. You're short on rolling papers, anyway.
Oct 23, 2019 - 5:54
The Ganjascope℠ Feline Home Companion
Catmando—the office cat here at the Ganjascope℠, is descended from a race of mythical creatures who are half human, half feline, and half baked. Much of the bumbling accuracy with which the Ganjascope℠ can see into the future darkly is down to the influence of Catmando, whom we often suspect of blowing smoke up our asses. Anyway, this is what Catmando told us to tell you.
Taurus (4/20–5/20): Many Taurans are puzzled by a dream that stars two gorgeous, black Pulik dogs with long dreadlocks. The dogs bark melodically, but when they close their mouths, the barking continues. Such a fab dream suggests that you need to keep your sorry ass away from the Milli Vanilli OG. That shit contains more limonene than your average toilet bowl cleanser.
Oct 8, 2019 - 6:06
Ganjascope℠ To Be Featured in Reader's Digest
The Readers Digest and Postcards from the Pug Bus will "partner" to bring the GanjaScope℠ to RD's 38,000,000 readers beginning in January next year. In return the Pug Bus will run the occasional NSFW "improved" list of Reader's Digest jokes. The move, which caught many industry analysts by surprise, is part of RDs effort to bring its magazine into the 20th century.
Sep 27, 2019 - 6:06
Ganjascope℠ Wins New York Times Trichome Award
The Ganjascope℠, Snoop Dogg's favorite astrological bulletin, was honored by the New York Times with its First Annual Trichome Award for excellence in marijuana writing. "The Ganjascope© makes dank, bold predictions that challenge credulity without leaving a harsh after taste," wrote the Times. "If marijuana-themed horoscopes had THC levels, The Ganjascope© would rank in the high 90s."
Sep 18, 2019 - 6:06
Ganjascope℠ Wins Consumer Reports® Endorsement
Unlike most pot-related horoscopes, which aren't worth the pixels they're printed on, the Ganjascope℠ was chosen recently by Consumer Reports® as "the most virtually accurate" of the major marijuana horoscopes. "The standard error of measure for the Ganjascope℠ smoked those of High Times, the Reader's Digest, and the Kiplinger Newsletter," wrote Consumer Reports® astrology editor, Winston Barnes.
Sep 10, 2019 - 6:06
Ganjascope℠, The World's Most Accurate Pot Horoscope
Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): Your sun is in Leo, which could portend trouble because it's supposed to be in Albuquerque. Leo's son, meanwhile, has just confessed his love for his stepmother, who is being blackmailed by a mysterious, talkative gentleman named Jack Herer, who threatens to make public the details of Leo's son’s stepmother's affair with Leo's dealer. Pictures at 11:00.
Sep 2, 2019 - 6:06
Ganjascope℠ Got Weed? Get Scoped
Though it's only a tender shoot among marijuana horoscopes, the Ganjascope℠ promises to be a dank, bold, skunky-shit-smelling beast among men and (wo)men on the ocean of life. Sorry, when we smoke we tend to mix metaphors, similes, and a little CBD in by way of a shock absorber. We also get stupid silly. That's just how we roll here at the Pug Bus. Actually, we don't roll shit anymore. That's so 2009. We're Stiiizy all the way. Go Biiig or go home.
Aug 24, 2019 - 5:49
The Sacred Paraphernalia of the Zodiac
WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Everybody knows that different gemstones, power phrases, colors, handshakes, and non-GMO crystals are associated with the various signs of the Zodiac. Only the elevated stargazer, however, can see the relationships among different items of stoner paraphernalia and signs of the Zodiac. So if you're always a few nachos short of a grande, you should open your mind to the voices of the Sacred Paraphernalia of the Zodiac that rock your world, especially if that paraphernalia is hissing, belching clouds of smoke, or speaking to you in a digitally altered voice.
Aug 17, 2019 - 8:42
The Pug Bus Presents Your 420 Gangascope℠
You hold in your hands (you're not still using a desk top, are you) the astrological world's first Ganjascope℠. The horoscope that takes the logical out of astrological, that boldly goes where no other horoscope dares to tread (yes, the Ganjascope℠ can be used rectally). Herewith, a timeless foretelling that reveals your past, present, and future in the Eternal Now.
Aug 14, 2019 - 7:36