Postcards from the Pug Bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Welcome to the Alt-Middle's favorite satire site

Let's defund the parking meter police

Election 2020: a never was vs. a never should be...make your vote count, don't vote

So how does felt experience arise out of non-sentient matter, anyway?

Che stronzi sono le persone

“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” (Winston Churchill)

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The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall

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The Book of Daze℠

Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Daily Ganjascope

Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): Your love of Calypso's Grape Fizz live resin carts conspire to produce a full-blown paradoxical reaction to life. Whenever you vape it up, dandruff shampoo turns you into a blizzard with feet. Cough medication makes you hack and sputter like a flooded outboard motor. Deodorant produces a rancid, road-kill aroma about your personal zones. I'd lay off the Beano, contraceptive devices, and hemorrhoid preparations if I were you. More Ganjascopes

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

The Grammar Prick

Meaner than a dried-up, old-biddy Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

The Fuck It List

Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night

  1. Organized Religion
  2. Voting
  3. Seat Belts
  4. Making Sure Your Zipper's Up
  5. Paying for Music and Movies
  6. Apologizing for Shit You Didn't Do
  7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
  8. Hauling Your Damn Grandkids Around
  9. Stupid-Ass, Dip-Shit, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly

GanjaScope℠ Is President Trump's Favorite Read

Postcards from the Pug Bus (2PB) has "heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend" that GanjaScope℠ is President Trump's "favorite read." At least that's what friend #1 (initials IT) told 2PB. Friend #2 (initials KC) reports that "Donald has someone read it to him as soon as it's posted." Friend #3 (initials SB, an ex-friend, actually) was ceremoniously dumped by the White House for telling reporters that "the president bases most of his policy decisions on that shit."

We are proud and humbled and slightly tumescent, therefore, to present the latest reiteration of the GanjaScope℠, astrological projections to Make America Great Again. More.
Oct 31, 2019 - 5:27

Ganjascope℠ Predicts the Death of CBD

Aries (3/21–4/19): No matter how embarrassed you are by keyboard plaque, do not attempt to remove it with your dab rig torch. CBD tincture is more holistic and effective. Be sure to back up all your files and to close all applications before cleaning. Organic, free-range, chelated CBD tincture works best in northern climates. CBD aerosol spray works better in the South.

Taurus (4/20–5/20): There's a tarot card reader in your future—one who foretells the present. She will inform you that presently you are in Cancun, where you have been chosen grand marshall of the nudist colony’s Haloween Parade. As you can’t be in two places at once, you won’t have to pay her. You're short on rolling papers, anyway. More.
Oct 23, 2019 - 5:54

The Ganjascope℠ Feline Home Companion

Catmando—the office cat here at the Ganjascope℠, is descended from a race of mythical creatures who are half human, half feline, and half baked. Much of the bumbling accuracy with which the Ganjascope℠ can see into the future darkly is down to the influence of Catmando, whom we often suspect of blowing smoke up our asses. Anyway, this is what Catmando told us to tell you.

Taurus (4/20–5/20): Many Taurans are puzzled by a dream that stars two gorgeous, black Pulik dogs with long dreadlocks. The dogs bark melodically, but when they close their mouths, the barking continues. Such a fab dream suggests that you need to keep your sorry ass away from the Milli Vanilli OG. That shit contains more limonene than your average toilet bowl cleanser. More.
Oct 8, 2019 - 6:06

Ganjascope℠ To Be Featured in Reader's Digest

The Readers Digest and Postcards from the Pug Bus will "partner" to bring the GanjaScope℠ to RD's 38,000,000 readers beginning in January next year. In return the Pug Bus will run the occasional NSFW "improved" list of Reader's Digest jokes. The move, which caught many industry analysts by surprise, is part of RDs effort to bring its magazine into the 20th century.
More.
Sep 27, 2019 - 6:06

Ganjascope℠ Wins New York Times Trichome Award

The Ganjascope℠, Snoop Dogg's favorite astrological bulletin, was honored by the New York Times with its First Annual Trichome Award for excellence in marijuana writing. "The Ganjascope© makes dank, bold predictions that challenge credulity without leaving a harsh after taste," wrote the Times. "If marijuana-themed horoscopes had THC levels, The Ganjascope© would rank in the high 90s." More.
Sep 18, 2019 - 6:06

Ganjascope℠ Wins Consumer Reports® Endorsement

Unlike most pot-related horoscopes, which aren't worth the pixels they're printed on, the Ganjascope℠ was chosen recently by Consumer Reports® as "the most virtually accurate" of the major marijuana horoscopes. "The standard error of measure for the Ganjascope℠ smoked those of High Times, the Reader's Digest, and the Kiplinger Newsletter," wrote Consumer Reports® astrology editor, Winston Barnes. More.
Sep 10, 2019 - 6:06

Ganjascope℠, The World's Most Accurate Pot Horoscope

Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): Your sun is in Leo, which could portend trouble because it's supposed to be in Albuquerque. Leo's son, meanwhile, has just confessed his love for his stepmother, who is being blackmailed by a mysterious, talkative gentleman named Jack Herer, who threatens to make public the details of Leo's son’s stepmother's affair with Leo's dealer. Pictures at 11:00. More.
Sep 2, 2019 - 6:06

Ganjascope℠ Got Weed? Get Scoped

Though it's only a tender shoot among marijuana horoscopes, the Ganjascope℠ promises to be a dank, bold, skunky-shit-smelling beast among men and (wo)men on the ocean of life. Sorry, when we smoke we tend to mix metaphors, similes, and a little CBD in by way of a shock absorber. We also get stupid silly. That's just how we roll here at the Pug Bus. Actually, we don't roll shit anymore. That's so 2009. We're Stiiizy all the way. Go Biiig or go home. More.
Aug 24, 2019 - 5:49

The Sacred Paraphernalia of the Zodiac

WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Everybody knows that different gemstones, power phrases, colors, handshakes, and non-GMO crystals are associated with the various signs of the Zodiac. Only the elevated stargazer, however, can see the relationships among different items of stoner paraphernalia and signs of the Zodiac. So if you're always a few nachos short of a grande, you should open your mind to the voices of the Sacred Paraphernalia of the Zodiac that rock your world, especially if that paraphernalia is hissing, belching clouds of smoke, or speaking to you in a digitally altered voice. More.
Aug 17, 2019 - 8:42

The Pug Bus Presents Your 420 Gangascope℠

You hold in your hands (you're not still using a desk top, are you) the astrological world's first Ganjascope℠. The horoscope that takes the logical out of astrological, that boldly goes where no other horoscope dares to tread (yes, the Ganjascope℠ can be used rectally). Herewith, a timeless foretelling that reveals your past, present, and future in the Eternal Now. More.
Aug 14, 2019 - 7:36

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.

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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a stupid local news story from time to time.

The Pug Bus Blogs On

Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"

The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge

No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book

The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

The Pug Bus Interview

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the onions to do. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.

Sites for Sore Eyes

Discordianism--the one religion to have if you're having more than one—or or if you're having none at all.

High Times--wanna know what Super Silver Haze is going for near you? Wanna wade your way through a growing shit heap of trendy, female-empowered, social warrior nonsense to find out?

Pirate Bay--indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop

Soulseek--no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free. To hell with those overpriced streaming services. As the Buddha says, "Stream your own shit, mother-fucker."

Spectrum Labs-need to pass a piss test?

Vaults of Erowid-before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort

ExpressVPN--sturdy, impregnable fortress. It's the VPN service that we here at the Pug Bus use. Don't go digital shoplifting without it.