Dr. Phil Visits Jessica Sierra
By Chip Hilton

Dr. Phil wants you.

TAMPA, Fla. – Jessica Sierra is the latest fly catcher to get a surprise visit from celebrity-train-wreck chaser Dr. Phil.

When Ms. Sierra was returned to jail following a court appearance Monday, Dr. Phil was waiting for her like a bear with the scent of menstrual blood up its nose.

“I didn't recognize [Dr. Phil] at first," said Ms. Sierra. "I thought maybe that three-toothed psycho who used to stalk me had gotten some cheap dentures.

"When he asked me if I wanted to appear on his television show, I finally knew who he was. He looks a lot thinner on TV.

“I told him I had to think about it, but he kept asking me all these personal questions: do I like three-way sex; do I shave my pubes; am I an inny or an outy. He was getting really creepy.”

Dr. Phil’s interview with Ms. Sierra was cut short when the fumes from the English Leather cologne he was wearing set off a smoke detector in the visitors lounge. Before he went slouching back to his cave, he asked Ms. Sierra to sign a copy of her sex video, Motel 69.