J.K. Rowling Coy about Leaked Harry Potter Ending
By Extrapolater (Special to The Pug Bus)

LONDON - J.K. Rowling, author of the universally beloved Harry Potter series, confessed in a recent interview that she wrote the final book in that series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, on a tight schedule in order to meet a July 2007 publication date.

"To be quite honest," she began, "I couldn't be arsed about writing the bloody thing until a couple of days before deadline. Then, because I didn't want to miss Gray's Anatomy, I actually didn't get started until the morning before the manuscript was due at the publishers. It took me a full twenty-four hours to get it done, but adrenaline and coffee got me through."

When asked if she was sad to be saying good-bye to her beloved characters, Rowling was subdued.

"Yeah, there may have been a few tears. Part of that was due to the power outage we had around 1:30 that morning. I lost about 152 pages and had to go back and rewrite them. That sucked. Other than that the whole thing went as smooth as shite through a goose."

Rowling's editor expressed shock that the final installment had been written in such a hurry, but the veteran author was unfazed.

"What does that twat know about writing? It's a simple bloody formula, innit? You have your Harry's-family-is-mean chapter, your Harry's-
friends-rescue-him-and-take-him-off-to-Hogwart's chapter, then you throw in some Quidditch, Hagrid, and a new Dark Arts teacher, and voila, there's another billion pounds in my account at Barclay's."

Rowling refused to confirm or deny the veracity of a website claiming to have acquired a leaked excerpt of the final chapter. The fansite published the following paragraphs, proclaiming them "the most enthralling Potter yet!"

Harry rose from his chair, weary to the bone.

"Well, thanks again, Ron and Hermoine [sic]. I'm afraid this latest adventure has left me very, very, very, very, very, very, very, tired. I think I will go upstairs and try to get some rest."

Ron and Hermione gushed and simpered at one another like the two little poxy turds they were, and turned to go.

Hary [sic] climbed the steps, contemplating each one as he went. First he mounted the first step, followed eventually by step number two; then he wearily proceeded to step three and after that step four. Step five was dank. It rang with a hollow boom when Harry stepped upon it, but he was tired of fixing every little thing himself, so he proceeded to step six and beyond.

Safely ensconced in his room, the young wizard decided to eat a packet of Every Flavor Beans before bed. As he chewed a bean that exploded with the repulsive flavor of David Beckham's armpit, Harry perused the nutritional information on the back.

"Jelly, Artificial Color, Sugar, Clotting Agent, Aspartame, Spices," he read "Spices," he muttered. "There's the understatement of the century."

Then, suddenly and mysteriously, an asteroid screamed from the heavens and flattened the entire school. Killing everyone inside.

The End.