Virginia Tech Gunman Cho Seung-Hui Sent Video to American Idol
By Biff Scuzzy

"I am the NRA."

NEW YORK - American Idol judge Simon Cowell acknowledged yesterday that Cho Seung-Hui, the Virginia Tech student who killed thirty-two of his fellow students on Monday, had sent an audition tape to the show's headquarters early last week.

"It was so bad our producers sent him an invitation to a regional tryout just for a laugh," said Mr. Cowell.

"That's why I rolled my eyes when Chris Richardson mentioned Virginia Tech on the show this Tuesday," Mr. Cowell continued. "I wasn't making light of the tragedy or of the fact that everybody and his dim-witted brother-in-law will be name checking Virginia Tech for the rest of the year.

"I felt the whole world was so jive."

"What happened was I suddenly recalled that awful video, which made William Hung sound like Rod Stewart before he went disco, and I remembered it had been sent by a student at Virginia Tech."

According to a source at American Idol, the Cho Seung-Hui video featured two performances. In the first Mr. Cho, who went by the stage name "Ismail-Ax," sang a karaoke version of the Village People's "YMCA." For an encore he donned an ammo vest and waved two automatic weapons in the air as he sang, "Give me a word, give me a sign" from Collective Soul's "Shine."

"We figured he was a borderline psycho or else he had a hyper-developed sense of irony," said the source. "Either way he would have been perfect for our show."