Paris Hilton Blames Mother for Monks' Mandala Massacre
By Biff Scuzzy

HOLLYWOOD - Sri Paris Hilton said yesterday that "God will punish" the mother of the little boy who turfed a sand mandala on the floor of the Union Station in Kansas City, Missouri. Ms. Hilton, who has begun calling herself Sri Paris as a consequence of her "recent spiritual experiences," talked with paparazzi outside the Bodhi Tree bookstore.

"That kid's mother earned herself some really bad karma when he stomped all over that painting," said Ms. Hilton. "I wouldn't want to be in her Payless shoes when God catches up with her. Nelson Mandala was a great man whose paintings deserve more respect than that."

The painting to which Ms. Hilton referred, a partially completed mandala made of brightly colored sand, was the handiwork of eight Tibetan Buddhist monks who had spent two days sitting cross-legged on the floor, meticulously coaxing the sand through metal pipettes to form an intricate design. Their work had been more than halfway completed by the time they ceased their labors on Tuesday.

Some time later a two-year-old boy crashed onto the scene, allegedly in the care—and purportedly under the control—of his mother, who was taking a package to the post office inside the vast hall.

That looks like something my kid could have painted.

Quicker than you can say "Don't make me come after you," the kid had done a Sammy Davis Jr. all over the mandala, turning the carefully crafted design into a remarkable approximation of a Jackson Pollack canvas—and that's what has Ms. Hilton's newly discovered knickers in a twist.

"Sri Paris has become very spiritual here lately," said the attractive young woman who was carrying Ms. Hilton's purchases—Buddhism for Dummies, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Meditation, and several books by Deepak Chopra—from the bookstore.

"She has a particular reverence for mandalas. She thinks they're so hot. She even hired two muralists to paint a large mandala on the bottom of her swimming pool."