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Courtesy of Postcards
emerging novelist. In these candid, engaging letters, which are intended for publication, Ms. Spears tells her side of the story, a side that often differs from what the "false tabloids" are writing about her. Previously, DJ had published "Letters of Troof" on her website More Conversations About Famous People, but since she is taking a sabbatical from this enterprise, she and Ms. Spears have graciously consented to our publish- ing those letters here. To mah fans, Hey y'all! I see'n on the news that my innerview with that Matt Lower on television aint going over so well. See, I guess its time fer me to set the record straight. Like Kevin always says, "Bebop shizzle biscuit wif gravy." I don't know what that means, but he tells me his [stuff] is crunk and its tight, so I guess he's got something there. I did my own hair and makeup, I love short skirts and low cut shirts! And I like sure do like the applikashun of cosmetics. I like me some Bonnie Bell and Wet N'Wild. That's what I grew up on, that's what I's using to this day. I's country, y'all! Jamie Lynne came over to help me pick my outfit and I says to her, "Jamie Lynne, I knows what to wear! I's gonna wear my short skirt and my low cut shirt because the pregnant body is beeyootifull." And then my cousin Laura Lynne comes on over and she's all, "Let me do your makeup, Britbrit." And I tole her, I says, "Girl, I know how to do mah own! Like, Pul-eeze!" and then my ma, Lynne, comes over and I let her put the weave in mah hair and we agreed I looked just like my idol, Miss Goldie Hawn, with her long blonde hair. Sorta Goldie and a lil bit of Dolly Parton thrown in for what my ma calls "Good measure." Whatever!
And then I couldn't help but cry when he started talk'n bout my Booboo. Nobody talks about my Booboo but me! Y'all, I couldn't take it no more. I was real nervous see, so I's had to chew my Double Hubba Bubba gum and try to relax. (I had to give up the Skoal, gosh dang!) Kev calls me an "Emoshunal mess." Right now 'cause all them hermones goin' thru my body or as Kev calls 'em, Whore-moans! He's so funny! Y'all, I couldn't tell Matt but I's telling you right now, I think we's gonna hav gurl! Me and Jamie Lynne and my cousin Laura Lynne we all agree the baby should be named Brandi Lynne or Misti Lynne, I cannot decide!! Maybe even Earlene Lynne. I luv that name. Kevin says he don't care. Something about signing checks? He is so simple! My mama calls him very simple minded. I think that means that he's like, really smart. Y'all I gots to go. Mah little Boo is climbing into the dogs food—again! He just loves the dog kibble. I dont think its bad for him, right? Stay tuned for another season of Chaotic and look outs for mah new bubble-gum-scented perfume! And mah new line of Pork Rinds called Brit's Piggy Chips! I's comin out with foodstuffs now 'cause I loves me some money! By Britney Spears Federline DistressedJeans is currently on hiatus from her wildly popular blog More Conversations About Famous People. She is busy writing a novel, doing volunteer work, taking care of two kids and two dogs, getting manicures and spa treatments, going to movie premieres, hanging out with A-listers, and concentrating on two other blogs—More Conversations About Fashion and Conversations with Famous Writers. ©The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional.
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