Paris Hilton’s Vagina One of World’s Seven Wonders
By Biff Scuzzy

Paris sharing a quiet moment with her vagina.

LISBON – Paris Hilton’s vagina has been chosen as one of the new seven wonders of the world, as determined by Internet voting, text messaging, and phone-call balloting.

Ms. Hilton's vagina and the other winners in a year-long, global popularity contest to select the new seven wonders of the world were announced last night during a grandiose ceremony in Lisbon's Stadium of Light.

"We are here to celebrate the world’s cultural diversity in all its forms," proclaimed actor Ben Kingsley, who co-hosted the ceremony with actress Hilary Swank.

Ms. Hilton’s vagina was considered “something of a stretch” when balloting to determine the new seven wonders of the world began last year, Mr. Kingsley noted.

“I have visited several of the other seven wonders—the Great Wall, the Colosseum, the pyramid at Chichen Itza,” he said, “and I hope to see Ms. Hilton’s vagina one day. Everyone I've talked to who has been there says it's really an awesome sight.”

"Be sure to save my seats for me; I'll be right back."

Because the rules for voting in the new-seven-wonders contest were as loose as a well-visited vagina, many people complained that Ms. Hilton’s puffy didn’t deserve a place at the table.

“There was no way to prevent repeat voting or people stuffing her ballot box,” complained Jennifer Lopez, who attended last night’s ceremony in hope of seeing her buttocks included among the world’s seven wonders.

“I still say that in a one-man-one-vote contest my ass would outdraw that skank’s pussy any day or night of the week.”

The three remaining wonders on the list were the Taj Mahal, the Christ the Redeemer Statue in Brazil, and the Machu Picchu sanctuary in Peru.

Which is the greatest natural wonder?

• Paris Hilton's vagina
• Jennifer Lopez' ass
• Rosie O'Donnell's mouth
• Jessica Simpson's chest
• Reese Witherspoon's chin

Created on July 11, 2007

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