Instant Karma Author to Appear at Philadelphia Rally
By Phil Maggitti

Sri Edward Boghaven

PHILADELPHIA – Sri Edward Boghaven, author of Instant Karma: How to Appear Worthy Even When You're Being a Total Dick, will address twenty thousand of his followers tonight at a rally scheduled to begin at 7:30 in Philadelphia’s Wachovia Center.

Sri Boghaven, who turns the accepted notion of karma on its head and shakes the money out of its pockets just for laughs, kicks off a nineteen-city arena tour in Philadelphia just as his controversial book has emerged at the top of the The New York Times self-help list.

Sri Boghaven’s approach to karma is markedly different from the traditional what-goes-around-comes-around philosophy.

“Most people don’t know fuck all about karma,” he said cheerily in his suite at the Four Seasons hotel. “Contrary to popular belief, and to the creators of crap television shows like My Name Is Earl, karma is not about payback, nor is it about living right so you don't come back as a port-o-potty in the next life.

“The Buddha, who preached the doctrine of karma, slipped out of his house in the middle of the night at the age of twenty-nine, deserting his wife and infant son, to go off on some dipshit quest for enlightenment. Nevertheless, he still managed to get his sorry ass revered as a holy man and to live to the age of eighty. So much for the theory of payback. If there was such a thing as payback, the Buddha would have been reborn as a polyp in George Bush’s colon.”

The core of Sri Boghaven’s philosophy is contained in “There Is a U in Karma,” chapter three of How to Appear Worthy Even When You're Being a Total Dick.

“In order to make good karma work for you, do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you,” writes Sri Boghaven, “and contrive to have others do unto you without your always having to do unto them. Love yourself as you would have your neighbors love you. After all, if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?”

Giving advice like that, it’s no wonder that Sri Boghaven will address enthusiastic crowds as he travels across the United States.

“The tour is a sell out, and so am I,” laughed one commodities trader in Philadelphia. “There’s nothing wrong with selling out as long as you don’t sell yourself short.”