Al Gore Declares Himself President of Mexico

Courtesy of Postcards

Al Gore Declares Himself President of Mexico
By Douglas Salguod

Al Gore, Jr., and Al Gore III taking the sun.

MEXICO CITY - Former Vice President of the United States Albert Arnold Gore, Jr., speaking from his new home here, today declared himself the president of Mexico. Gore said he had made the move when he learned how much easier it is to become president of Mexico after losing an election than it is in the United States.

Confusion briefly followed Gore's announcement as the second-place finisher in last week's Mexican presidential election, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, had already declared himself the president of Mexico. After Gore had pointed out that when he had lost a presidential election, he had received a larger percentage of the popular vote than Lopez Obrador did, Lopez Obrador quickly conceded.

Republican Grip on House of Representatives in Jeopardy

Doolittle, boolittle, bananafana foolittle . . .

OROVILLE, California -- In a key House race the Republican Representative from California's Fourth District, John T. Doolittle, was rebuffed by election officials in his attempt to have his name changed on the November ballot to John T. Dooevenless.

Some political analysts say the name change would not have helped Doolittle's flagging campaign anyway since most voters don't want Congress to do anything at all. Further, Doolittle's opponent in the race has already locked up the ineffectiveness vote, political observers say. Doolittle's Democrat opponent, Charlie Brown, has an established history of ineffectiveness, according to his campaign manager, Lucy Van Pelt.

Democratic Republic of the Congo Becomes Democracy, Changes Name
KINSHASA, Congo -- Following the conclusion of the first actual elections in the ten-year history of the Democratic Republic of the Congo yesterday, the newly elected government, in order to prevent confusion on the part of the populace, changed the country's name to the Dictatorship of the Congo.

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