Al Gore Believes Son's Arrest Will Launch Dynasty
By Ted Gay

Al Gore is hoping that his family adds gravitas to his campaign if he runs.

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - Former Vice President Al Gore announced today that he believes the guilty plea entered by his son, Al III, yesterday is the kick-start the Gore family needs to become an American political dynasty like the Bushes and the Kennedys.

Mr. Gore's son, 24, pleaded guilty to two felony counts of drug possession, two misdemeanor counts of drug possession without a prescription, and one misdemeanor count of marijuana possession. The charges stemmed from his early July arrest in Orange County, California, where he allegedly was driving one hundred miles per hour in a Prius.

"In today's political climate you can't hope to be the country's first family without a number of arrests and deaths," said the elder Gore.

"The Kennedys have a huge head start, and the Bushes a healthy advantage. All I've got so far is an older sister who died of lung cancer in 1984, but with this guilty plea, which sounds pretty darn impressive to me, we have thrown our family's hat into the ring."

A source close to the Gore family said the vice president hopes his three daughters—
Karenna, 33, Kristin, 30, and Sarah, 28—will put their hats, or perhaps their undergarments, into the ring as well. Indeed, said the source, Gore family strategists have already met with Kristen to encourage her to have an affair and subsequently a child, preferably with a reality show star "of questionable ethnicity."

Al Gore III rocks the postmodern Peter Fonda Easy Rider look.

The Gores have also been putting pressure on newlywed daughter, Sarah.

"Whenever I talk to my parents, they're always 'why can't you be more like Lindsay, why can't you dress like Britney?'" she said. "Every time I go to our family's vacation home, I get up in the morning and my underwear is missing."

A Gore family spokesperson said that Sarah is "just being rebellious," and her parents fully expect her to be photographed naked in an alley with a needle in her arm by Christmas.

"Nothing could make a dad happier," the former vice president said.