Mother Teresa Letters Reveal She Just Wanted to Get Laid
By Phil Maggitti

A lifetime of doubt and longing written on her face.

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Letters written by Mother Teresa indicate that although she is one cardinal’s fart from becoming a saint, she was much like the rest of us sinners in one important way: she just wanted to get laid. Trouble was, she hadn’t a clue about how to go about it, which made her even more like the rest of us.

A new book to be published next month—Come Be My Light: The Private Writings of the “Saint of Calcutta”—reveals that Mother Teresa was not a simple-minded, cheery woman secure in the knowledge that she was doing god’s work on earth. That may have been the face she turned to the world, but her inner face was a constant panic-attack scream in a fun house of doubt, darkness, and terrifying despair. She may have longed to know men biblically, but she was on a first name basis with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse instead.

“Throughout her life Mother Teresa’s physical needs got in the way of her spiritual development,” said the Rev. Karl Kolokojak, who knew Mother Teresa "as a friend" for twenty years. “At first she thought Jesus was going to fulfill those needs in a personal, direct way, especially after he had appeared to her several times in her youth.”

According to the Rev. Kolokojak, Jesus stopped appearing to Mother Teresa shortly after she had begun having fantasies about consummating her relationship with him. After that she was plunged into a crisis of faith that lasted the rest of her life.

As early as 1956 she wrote: "Such deep longing for God’s touch on the yearning flesh of my soul . . . but emptiness and despair are my only rewards . . . pray for me, please, that I keep smiling at Him in spite of His refusal to make me His bride."

In another letter she wrote, "What do I labour for? If there be no God, there can be no soul, if there is no soul, then, Jesus, You also are not true."

Mother Teresa in happier times.

Following her perceived rejection by Jesus, Mother Teresa began haunting the mean streets of Calcutta, hoping to sport hump her way to salvation, but she was looking for love in all the wrong places.

“She suffered not only from low self-esteem but also from a tendency to throw herself at the worst kinds of men—hopeless, shiftless, unclean derelicts who saw her only as a meal ticket,” said a fellow nun. “There was a time she would have given herself to the antichrist if he had asked.

“Men would trifle with her, but as soon as their bellies were full and their penises were clean, they’d go back to prostitutes and animals. How do you think that made her feel?”

Apparently it made her desperate enough to post the following personal in a Calcutta magazine: “Lonely woman who has given God a free hand, seeks to meet anyone who has a free hand to give her. Must love flies, self-denial, long walks through the seedy parts of town, tainted food, and poverty. Available for talks about existential crises and more, lots more.”