Madeleine McCann’s Mother Advances to Suspect Round in Quiz Show
By Biff Scuzzy

PORTIMAO, Portugal – Madeline McCann’s mother, Kate, has advanced to the suspect round in this season’s smash Portuguese television show Did You Kill Your Daughter?.

Mrs. McCann, 39, whose daughter Madeleine, then three, went missing on May 3, spent eleven hours before the cameras yesterday, patiently providing answers to the show’s host, First Sergeant Carlos Rodrigues.

“Senora McCann was especially strong in the ‘Remote Parenting Skills’ and the ‘Diversionary Balloon Launching’ categories,” said First Sergeant Rodrigues. "She also did well in the 'Religious Cliches' portion of the show.

“Therefore, we decided to advance her from the bola rasteira (sneaky-looking person) level to the arguido (named suspect) category.”

Mrs. McCann was "shocked and surprised" to learn that she had been named an official suspect, a family spokesman said.

"Kate never thought it would come to this. She did her best, and I expect she will continue to do so.”

Under Portuguese game show rules, a person cannot be charged with a crime unless she or he has advanced to the arguido level.

The producers of Did You Kill Your Daughter? expected Mrs. McCann to be back in the studios this morning, preparing to answer “the really difficult questions” that go with being an arguido—questions such as, “C’mon, we know you did it. Why don’t you save yourself a lot of trouble by telling us the truth now?"

One producer cautioned, however, that being an arguido did not automatically mean a contestant “will walk away with the grand prize.”

The only other arguido in the Madeleine McCann case, 33-year-old British expat Robert Murat, has been unable to advance further to date. He is in danger of being downgraded to bola rasteira and sent home with a mini-refrigerator and a bottle of house sangria as consolation prizes.

What’s more, Mrs. McCann faces stiff competition from her husband, Gerry, who also has made his way to arguido status.

Did You Kill Your Daughter?, filmed before a select studio audience, is aired on Portuguese television’s Discovery Channel at 9:00 p.m. on Thursday. The show can also be seen Fridays at 10:00 p.m., Sundays at 6:00 a.m., Tuesdays at 8:00 p.m., and at any time via the Discovery Channel’s on-demand programming.