Victoria Beckham Induces Quarterly Bowel Movement
By Chip Hilton

The strain of her ordeal is written clearly on Victoria Beckham's face.

HOLLYWOOD – Victoria Beckham, the artist formerly known as Posh Spice, finally has produced a bowel movement for the third quarter of 2007, a source close to the seventy-two-
pound fashion icon has revealed.

Ms. Beckham had hoped to produce the bowel movement naturally after adding six grams of artificially flavored low-cal bran to her diet each day for the last week, but for the ninth quarter in a row her 250-calorie-per-day regimen did not leave her up to the job.

“Victoria strained mightily to produce this BM on her own," said a spokesperson for Ms. Beckham, "but after she had been at it for ninety minutes or so, doctors decided to induce.

"Victoria and her BM are resting comfortably at an undisclosed location," added the spokesperson, who described the 2.5-ounce stool as having the "color, texture, and nose of a single-estate, high-percentage dark chocolate."

THEM Weekly is reporting that the “undisclosed location” is Tom Cruise’s private suite in the subbasement of the Scientology Center in Hollywood. The magazine also reports that Ms. Beckham was attended during her delivery by her husband, oft-injured footballer, David.