Pamela Anderson to Wed Rick Salomon, Sex Video at Eleven
By Biff Scuzzy

LAS VEGAS – The sex video community is popping its button-fly jeans over the anticipated wedding of celebrity porn star Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon, Paris Hilton’s one-time stud muffin.

“This is positively throbbing,” said Moe Ginsberg, president of The Academy of Motion Picture Bumping Uglies.

"It's a coupling made in heaven. I can’t wait to see those two balling their brains out.”

Ms. Anderson, 40, and Mr. Salomon, 38, have appeared in two of the most celebrated sex video dramas of all time. She shot to fame in 1998 with the release of One Stroke over the Line in which she and her new husband, Tommy Lee, gave riveting performances as a fading television actress and her gritty rock star husband plumbing the very depths of their beings while on their honeymoon.

“Everybody talks about Tommy’s ‘part’ in that classic,” said Mr. Ginsberg, “but Pammy held her end up, that’s for sure.”

Like Ms. Anderson, Mr. Salomon needs no introduction to serious students of adult cinema. He is renowned for his cutting-edge use of infrared lighting in
1 Night in Paris, the first sex video to receive the coveted two-palms-up rating from beloved film critic Roger Ebert.

“Mr. Salomon demonstrated that he is more than a one-dick pony,” wrote Mr. Ebert. “The sensitivity and self-control he exhibited in getting Paris Hilton to open up on video are breathtaking. By the end of that performance there wasn’t a dry seat in the house.”

A spokesperson for Ms. Anderson told THEM Weekly that she and Mr. Salomon have been granted a wedding license in Las Vegas, enabling them to marry at any time during the next year. The spokesperson also confirmed that Ms. Anderson and Mr. Salomon have been “looking at scripts together” for some time.

“Pamela’s wanted to play with Rick for some time now,” the spokesperson said. “She’s particularly excited about a script Ron Howard sent her, a postmodern remake of The Sound of Music tentatively called The Sound of Mucous.