Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie Patch-Up Brokered by John Bolton
By Matthew Congdon

NEW YORK - Who says UN diplomacy doesn't work? Not recently reunited BFFs Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, says US ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, who brokered the reunion.

Bolton confirmed to Celebratty Chatter that after tense negotiations the feud between these Simple Life frenemys finally came to a close.

"We started by enacting sanctions," said a visibly exhausted Bolton. "Travel to the Palms in Vegas was verboten, and shipments of Juicy Couture were intersected at the Beverly Hills border. This was very effective in bringing them to the bargaining table."

But what sealed the deal?

"We offered carrots," explained the gruff diplomat. "For Paris it was Harry Winston carats. For Nicole it was the threat that she would have to eat one."

So how do the thankful tabloid queens plan on repaying the UN for their salvaged schadenfreude?

Sources tell us that in the new season of their show—Simple Life 5: It's a Simple, Simple, Simple, Simple, Simple World—Paris and Nicole become diplomat debs. Look for the glamorous pitter patter of Manolo heels and Tinker belle’s toes in the general assembly to help turn this stuffy institution into a model UN.

We hear the episode in which Paris is forced to be an Iranian interpreter is a hoot and a half; and when tensions mount in war-torn Darfur, how does the precocious, paper-
thin Richie defuse the situation?

"Spin the bottle . . . works every time," Nicole told us coolly.

"After security counsel president, Kenzo Oshima, locked lips with the Sudanese ambassador, it wasn't just those refuges that were hot and bothered.

"Get a room, fellas!" joked Richie.

"In all seriousness," Paris told us, "we, like, love the United Nations of UN. That guy Kofi is so the coolest leader and has the best skin."

Her publicist interrupted to inform Ms. Hilton that the new UN secretary-general would actually be South Korean Ambassador Ban Ki-Moon.

"Whatever," shrugged Ms. Hilton. "South Koreans are hot."