John McCain Blows Face Off in Final Debate
By Chip Hilton

"Don't you point your finger at me, boy."

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Facial tics told the tale during last night’s third and final presidential debate between senators Barack Obama and John McCain. More precisely, Senator McCain’s face betrayed a variety of emotions and hidden personae, all struggling in vain to stay hidden.

“It wasn’t a happy face,” said Postcards from the Pug Bus editor in briefs, Phil Maggitti. “The old buzzard looked like he had just stumbled into the rec room while his grand daughter was riding Captain Winkie up the backstretch.”

Mr. Maggitti, who describes himself as a “Socialistic Buddhist,” then reeled off eleven archetypes of whom John McCain reminded him last night:

The oldest member of an all-white country club who discovers a Negro using the men’s room.

A guy who mistakenly cleaned his contact lenses with Polident®.

Senator McCain denied his "aping" the way Senator Obama walks had racial undertones.

He couldn't remember whether or not he had turned off the stove.

His cell phone was vibrating like crazy against his left nut.

He was fixing to call the cops on the black kid he caught walking across his lawn.

He was interviewing for the dean of discipline job at Liberty University.

He just discovered the wisdom of the old saying, “Never trust a fart.”

The last guy on earth anyone would want to have sex with.

A wing nut with post traumatic stress disorder who forgot to take his medication.

A white-knuckle driver who does 45 in the passing lane when the speed limit is 65.

The old fart in the supermarket who complains to the manager if you have 17 items in your cart in the 15-item express lane.