Katie Holmes Crazy Over Wedding Dress
By Matthew Congdon

LOS ANGELES - Attention Tomkat wedding watchers! Need new proof that Katie Holmes is more nutty over fiancé Tom Cruise than ever before? Celebratty Chatter has learned that the Batman Begins beauty has already picked out a dress that leaves no doubt she is just batty to be a bride and is heading for a chapel with a bell view.

A quick glimpse is enough to show that the look is perfect for entering the institution of marriage with Tom. Instead of tulle and crinoline, Katie has opted for the slim silhouette of a padded jacket with bound-arm detailing. Her usual understated elegance shows in the virtual lack of skin visible; and we must say that with little Suri in the picture, the choice of stained ecru instead of vestal white seems wise.

So, who's behind the Houdini-esque glamour? At first we assumed it was one of those avant-garde Japanese designers Katie loves—Yohji Yamamoto or Rei Kawakubo for Comme des Garcons. We were quickly informed, however, that our babbling bride is no snob. She has opted for the off-the-rack styling of the Los Angeles Memorial Psyche Ward.

We asked superstylist to the stars Philip Bloch for his take on this sultry, strappy nuptial confection.

"I love it," moaned an ecstatic Mr. Bloch.

"In front it's all demure, arms-crossed innocence; but, honey, just wait until you see the back! It's a bit kinky, a bit daring. It's the perfect hint of the honeymoon to follow. You know, 'Buckle those belts, it's going to be a bumpy night!'

"You ask me, Tom's in for a little bit of shock therapy!"

We were lucky enough to get a quick moment with Ms. Holmes, who attended the L. Ron Hubbard Charity Bake-Off Bazaar before leaving for Rome earlier this week. She acted coy at first, then she said, "I like the train."

With lips a-shimmer from MAC Cabernet Noir lip gloss and drool, she added, "'Cause that's where the spaceships can land."

Before whisking her away, Ms. Homes' Scientology minders insisted "it would take a full frontal lobotomy to keep Katie away from the altar."

Friends agreed, but they tell us that when it comes to the wedding dress, Katie ought to be committed.