Meet Our Illustrious Staff
By Themselves

Phil Maggitti, editor in briefs, is a retired freelance writer and editor living in a land of virtual reality with his wife, two pug dogs, one Boston terrier, four cats, the ashes of a dozen or so former pets, and a constant supply of primo dark chocolate. Phil has written nine books and more than 800 articles in the last twenty-six years. He spent the many of the years prior to that in a drug-induced stupor, honing his craft and courting his muse, who rejected him.

Biff Scuzzy, our special events correspondent, is from Altoona, Pennsylvania, though not as far from it as some people in Altoona might prefer. Biff, whose Christian name has been revoked, attended Bryn Mawr and Princeton before taking a degree from Goldey Beacom Virtual University in Harlingen, Texas. Goldey Beacom has asked him repeatedly to return the degree, but to no avail. Biff is a regular contirbutor to the delinquency of minors.

Chip Hilton, cultural affairs desk editor, is a talented but fragile waif who was named after an impossibly noble fictional sports hero of the fifties. Chip is a bipolar, bimodal, biweekly contributor to this site. His byline has also appeared on the lavatory walls of some of this country's finest men's—and women's—rooms. His latest book, Flattery is the Best Policy, is available in the remainder bins of nondiscriminating bookstores everywhere.

Buckner Wheat, our Chicago correspondent, is a native Texan and aspiring Canadian. After spending seven years as a Trappist monk, he was suddenly asked to leave when he was caught sneaking a Thorazine drip into Mass. He began piano studies at the age of eight and has been sighted performing his musical comedy act at various disreputable clubs in Chicago. His heroes are St. Therese, Janis Joplin, and Judge Judy.

Matthew Strachan, our senior UK correspondent emeritus, was born in London and studied music at Dartington College of Arts and later at London University. He has composed rather a lot of television music over the years, including the various bleeps, tunes, and underscores for the international hit "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." Since then he has bummed around in Nashville, TN, quite a lot and has spent much of his time down there being too afraid to enter certain diners. He has one wife, one daughter, but no longer has a rabbit.