Meet Our Illustrious Staff
By Themselves

Phil Maggitti, editor in briefs, is a retired freelance writer and editor living in a land of virtual reality with his wife, four pug dogs, one Boston terrier, three cats, the ashes of a dozen or so former pets, and a constant supply of primo dark chocolate. Phil has written nine books and more than 800 articles in the last twenty-five years. He spent the many of the years prior to that in a drug-
induced stupor, honing his craft and courting his muse, who rejected him.

EJ Moore, vice editor in chief and neurosurgeon in training, is a published humorist with frenzied aspirations. The secret love child of Starfleet Commander Jean-Luc Picard and Nancy Drew, girl detective, Ms. Moore was born and raised on the edge of reason. A regular contributor to—and Veteran Writer for—TheSpoof.com, Ms Moore has also been a contributor to Technology Review, The Pak Tribune, Ennui Magazine, and Headlight Journal. In addition, her work has been featured in many southeast regional newspapers. She favors cocktail napkins as her stationery of choice.

Buckner Wheat, our Chicago correspondent, is a native Texan and aspiring Canadian. After spending seven years as a Trappist monk, he was suddenly asked to leave when he was caught sneaking a Thorazine drip into Mass. He began piano studies at the age of eight and has been sighted performing his musical comedy act at various disreputable clubs in Chicago. His heroes are St. Therese, Janis Joplin, and Judge Judy.”

Ted Gay writes, "I was a British politician who served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1940 to 1945 and again from 1951 to 1955. A noted statesman, orator and strategist, I was also a soldier in the British Army. I have been studied to a unique extent as part of modern British and world history. A prolific author, I won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1953 for my own historical writings."

Matthew Congdon, when not cozying up to the smart set for The Celebratty Chatter, is just your average run-of-the-mill multi-
millionaire industrialist, who dabbles in a little international intrigue and light sleuthing. Hobbies include taking his butler, Max, for granted, racing Mercedes with Jennifer Hart, shopping for turtlenecks, shopping for blazers, pairing turtlenecks with blazers, naming pets after our interstate highway system, and speaking with . . . dramatic pauses. He loathes anything that falls under the dress code “business-casual."

Biff Scuzzy, our special events correspondent, is from Altoona, Pennsylvania, though not as far from it as some people in Altoona might prefer. Biff, whose Christian name has been revoked, attended Bryn Mawr and Princeton before taking a degree from Goldey Beacom Virtual University in Harlingen, Texas. Goldey Beacom has asked him repeatedly to return the degree, but to no avail. Biff is a regular contirbutor to the delinquency of minors.

Chip Hilton, cultural affairs desk editor, is a talented but fragile waif who was named after an impossibly noble fictional sports hero of the fifties. Chip is a bipolar, bimodal, biweekly contributor to this site. His byline has also appeared on the lavatory walls of some of this country's finest men's—and women's—rooms. His latest book, Flattery is the Best Policy, is available in the remainder bins of nondiscriminating bookstores everywhere.

Matthew Strachan, our senior UK correspondent emeritus, was born in London and studied music at Dartington College of Arts and later at London University. He has composed rather a lot of television music over the years, including the various bleeps, tunes, and underscores for the international hit "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." Since then he has bummed around in Nashville, TN, quite a lot and has spent much of his time down there being too afraid to enter certain diners. He has one wife, one daughter, but no longer has a rabbit.

Contributors

Rod Bender, intern.

Matthew Rand - Contributor emeritus, Matthew Rand, is currently on leave of abstinence working on an anthology of chicken interviews.