Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan Inspire Coveracooch Website
By Biff Scuzzy

(REUTERS) - The frequent sightings of Britney Spears' Malibu triangle recently—following in the wake of similar exfoliated exposures by Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan—has led to the launching of a campaign by www.coveracooch.com, a website dedicated to the proposition that less is more in public displays of the pubic zone.

"Who wants these unsightly photo-ops to keep recurring?" asks www.coveracooch.com, hereinafter referred to as CAC. "Nobody!"

Not even John Mark Karr, but the assault of the commando women threatens more than aesthetic sensibilities. The moral well being of our children is at stake here. Nothing less. Do you want to explain to your young children why those ladies don't have hair the way Mommy does?

We thought not; better yet there is something you can do. CAC is raising money "to help pay for the cost of covering these 'ladies' parts." A portion of the proceeds will benefit The Christmas Box International because "Every Child Deserves a Childhood."

And every child of whatever age deserves freedom from the sleep-haunting memory of Britney Spears' tummy tuck scar. That's enough to turn anybody Son of Sam weird.

CAC offers several ways for the civic minded to support the return of modesty to America. For $4.95—which is less than the spending limit in most office pollyannas—you can help to buy Britney, Lindsay, and Paris each a pair of panties. CAC will send you a commemorative certificate with your name on it. CAC will also put your name on a petition sent to each celebrity blossom-flasher. That petition and a note begging the miscreant not to show her lady parts in public again accompany the gift panties.

$14.95 buys you a pair of 95-percent cotton pink hot shorts emblazoned with the rallying cry "Cover that COOCH!" in hot pink lettering across the front. Of course, your name is also included on the Stop the Insanity petition sent to our three serial bushwhackers.

Finally, for $15.95 you receive "a thong that covers your cooch but nothing else!" This thong is virtually invisible when worn under clothing. When it is worn without clothing, the word Cooch," spelled out in white and crossed out in red, is visible across the front.

So even if you have to stiff the Salvation Army this year, be sure to contribute to the Cover a Cooch campaign. The sight you save may be your own.

In other news, Canton, Ohio, school officials are concerned about the spread of copycat beaver-bearing by high school girls in the Canton district. One cheerleader was escorted from the football field by state police last Friday night after it had become apparent that she wasn't wearing any underwear.