Jessica Simpson Snatches Baby Crib at Birds
By Chip Hilton

Jess has got a brand new bag.

LOS ANGELES – Jessica Simpson was questioned briefly by Los Angeles police Wednesday night after she had snatched a baby crib at Birds and attempted to leave the crowded restaurant-hangout with it.

The incident occurred shortly before 9:00 p.m. when Ms. Simpson, who had been dining at Birds with her hairstylist, Ken Paves, nipped into the ladies room. Mackenzie Marie Diaz, a well-known butt double who has worked as a stand-in for a number of A-list actresses, was in the ladies room at the time, changing her baby’s diaper.

“I left the crib on the floor outside the changing stall,” said Ms. Diaz, “but when I went to retrieve the crib, it was gone.”

Ms. Simpson denied any intentional wrongdoing.

“The ladies room was smoky,” she told police officer Daisy Chubb, “and I mistook the crib for my purse.”

Although Ms. Simpson was released after Ms. Diaz declined to press charges, friends of the actress were not so quick to buy her excuse.

“Jess has been under a lot of stress, what with her father trashing her career and her boyfriends leaving her like she has the plague or something,” said a friend who did not wish to be identified.

“I’m sure that stealing a baby—or trying to steal one—is just her way of crying out for help. I mean, Jess can barely take care of herself, let alone a strange baby.”

Earlier this year Ms. Simpson failed in an attempt to adopt a Mexican orphan when she (Ms. Simpson) could not locate Mexico on a map.