Jessica Simpson’s Hooters Will Haunt Tony Romo Forever
By Biff Scuzzy

DALLAS, Texas - After Jessica Simpson’s hooters had distracted Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo into tripping over his dick in a game against the Philadelphia Eagles last week, sportswriters and other mentally challenged types blamed Mr. Romo’s inept performance on the specter of Ms. Simpson’s chesticles looming down like twin space ships from a luxury box high in the Cowboys stadium.

Granted, Ms. Simpson’s melons looked absolutely fabulous under a Dallas Cowboys jersey bearing Mr. Romo’s number, 9, in pink; but people raising a huge and cry about their effect on poor Tony forget that Jess had brought her titties to two other Dallas games in which Mr. Romo had risen to the occasion, performing manfully while his team prevailed.

Nevertheless, the boobs brouhaha gave a couple of enterprising Cowboy haters at RuinRomo.com an idea&mdash: what if we posted an image of Jessica’s janglers on our website and encouraged people to download that image, tack it to a stick, and take it to the Dallas game against Carolina this week and against Washington the week after? Wouldn’t that be a hoot(er).

"Help your team to victory by letting Tony Romo know the love of his life is in the stands!!!" the RuinRomo site declares. "Celebrate after your team wins! Spread the word to everyone you know!!!"

If the boobsicles-on-a-stick serve to distract Mr. Romo from his appointed rounds and Dallas loses again, look for this trend to spread to other venues. Who knows, maybe the next time Tom Cruise nips out to a Celine Dion show, he’ll be greeted by the sight of hundreds of people waving L. Ron Hubbard’s genitals in his face, a sight that should remind Mr. Cruise of his initiation into Scientology.