Klaus Harmony, "Mozart of Porn," in Bible Uproar
By Matthijs Schoonhoven

Rhonda Kennedy

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – The American parents' association UCPA have added supplementary material to their petition to ban a website selling the music of Klaus Harmony, The composer known as the "Mozart of Porn."

The group's principal complaint is in connection with brainwave algorithms embedded in the music, which purportedly stimulates sexual function. Today, however, UCPA announced a second objection relating to music from the 1972 film Die Sins des Apostles.

"We had initially assumed that the work of this man was straightforwardly disgusting," said Rhonda Kennedy of UCPA earlier today. "But I am unhappy to say that it has been brought to our attention that one of the pieces of music for sale is taken from a film which is blasphemous and debases Our Lord, Jesus Christ."

Director Friedrich Wohlfäht

Director Friedrich Wohlfäht’s Die Sins des Apostles apparently depicts the last days of Jesus through the eyes of each of his apostles in turn, who come to believe that the surest path to heaven is through group sex. Indeed the moment where Christ is captured at Gethsemane would seem, at least on first viewing, to be little more than an orgy.

Jan Sink of Judd Music and HarmonSink Corp, unsurprisingly, does not regard the film—or its music—as blasphemy.

"Oh yeah, there is certainly a little **ck and **ck taking place there, but it was [Friedrich Wohlfäht's] idea that to be holy was to commune. So if you think about it a bit, ****er is not so blasphemous at all. Anyway, Jesus is only watching."

Jenk Falstaff, who portrayed Christ in Die Sins des Apostles, has enjoyed renewed notoriety since the debate, making a series of appearances on talk shows around North Europe and Italy.

"We were making something new—groundbreaking. It was the first film I made where I didn't see any action. If I had been ****ing all the way through it, I could understand. Judas did most of that, and everyone hates him anyway. Why so much anger? I don't get it."

Rhonda Kennedy is less than sanguine, however.

Jenk Falstaff

"The portrayal of Our Lord as having sexual contact of any sort is offensive. The film is both theistically and historically inaccurate. Judas only betrayed Christ with a kiss; Mary Magdalene did not assist in administering the thirty-nine lashes; and Christ's meeting with Pilate was certainly not as it is suggested here."

The petition being brought before the US Congress next month requests the immediate withdrawal of the music of Die Sins des Apostles from sale and a complete shutdown of the website. Some are speculating, however, that the row is likely to fuel interest in the music and may even bring about a re-release of the film here in Europe and perhaps even America.

"We will burn down any movie theatre showing this muck," declared Ms. Kennedy. "We will also be burning Klaus Harmony MP3s."