What’s Up Britney Spears’ Ass?
By Biff Scuzzy

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears recently enrolled in a six-month trial membership at the Muddy River High Colonic Institute in Beverly Hills.

The Toxic singer is telling friends that she joined the institute because even though she may not be able to control what goes into her body, she “sure as shit” can control what comes out of it.

During a high colonic session a licensed irrigation technician slaps some K-Y jelly on the business end of a patented two-way garden hose, shoves it up the client’s ass, and turns on the faucet. Quicker than the client can say “holy shit,” the petrified remnants of crap she doesn’t even remember eating come cascading down the ol’ poop chute as if somebody had just thrown the switch at Hoover Dam.

"Britney’s been in like a couple of times a week,” said one of the baristas at Muddy River. “She claims the treatments make her feel great—more upbeat and energetic and free. She said just the other day that as soon as she regains custody of her boys, she’s going to bring them in for treatments."