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Courtesy of Postcards
"Advances made in lighting have rendered young Rudolph's energy-guzzling red nose a relic of wastefulness," said Barry Lester, head of the Christmas Children's Song unit. “We'll soon fix that.” Mr. Lester explained that the classic Rudolph tune would be updated in two phases so that fans of the beloved reindeer would not be too disrupted by a complete overhaul of Rudolph's story line. "First, we need to change the few lyrics that directly refer to Rudolph's old-fashioned, energy-inefficient nose,” said Mr. Lester. “For instance, here is our new treatment of the song's denouement, when Santa asks Rudolph to lead the team on Christmas Eve: ‘Rudolph with your nose so environmentally lit/Won't you guide my sleigh with it?’ "But in a subsequent revision, we must address the scorn that all the other reindeer heap on poor Rudolph. Clearly any reindeer pre-equipped with a compact-florescent snout would be excluded from joining any reindeer games out of pure jealousy, but the original tune has Rudolph ostracized for being strange. So the motivational thrust of the song will need to be completely revamped. Believe me, it's the right thing to do." Although there will no longer be explicit references to Rudolph's nose as red in the original verses once their renovation is complete, Mr. Lester stated that he and his writers would make mention of the fact in "all-new lyrics" written specifically to assure today's youngsters of the "continued crimson coloration" of Rudolph's sniffer. Mr. Lester agreed, in the spirit of the holiday, to share a draft of one of his team's new verses: ‘Did we forget to mention/Rudolph's nose is also red?/ Compact-florescent colors/Are as natural looking as their energy-guzzling predecessors!’ "It needs a little work," admitted Mr. Lester, "but we're almost there." ©The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional.
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